The Ego

My Ego, Oil on canvas, By Beki

9.9.20

Could it be that we have been making the ego the villain in our ongoing drama of this story of separation with the Soul as the hero? If we would only remember the truth of who we really are, the Soul, then we could dissolve the ego like the bad witch in the Wizard of Oz. I know that we are doing our best with words to understand, contemplate, and make sense of this reality that we are navigating. The many philosophers, intellectuals, scientists, shamans, religious scholars, artists etc. strive to offer their own versions of what all this Life could be about. 

But could it be that all the versions are a story, a metaphor, an analogy to describe the indescribable. Even science, the purveyor of irrefutable provable reality, is in truth an art, a philosophy that keeps evolving and producing the most beautiful new discoveries and inventions. If only we could appreciate the creativity and innovation that emerges from these deep thinkers without needing to make it right to justify its value, perhaps we could make space for the validity of all. 

So I would like to tell a new story about the ego. The Ego feels very unappreciated these days, particularity within the spiritual arena that speaks about burning, dissolving, and letting the ego die. Of course we have used the term loosely as a way to describe people who are ‘full of themselves’, arrogant, and braggadocios as having a particularity big ego. It is the ‘unspiritual’ part of the self and tends to be considered a hinderance for liberation. It is pretty much always used as a derogatory term and therefore has fallen into the role of villain. 

However I would like to consider the idea that the Ego is the human self, the part of our consciousness that we merge with when our Soul enters the physical body. The Ego understands that it must work with the Soul to show It how to navigate the physical dimension of polarity, gravity, and limitation. This is not the domain of the Soul, who is by nature unlimited, eternal, and infinite. Yet, our Souls choose to be limited within these parameters for a very good reason or we would not be here. This physical world is BEAUTIFUL and full of potential and possibility. It allows for the most sensuous and delicious experiences that require the container that these limitations offer. Limitations such as: a mortal, physical body that can feel pain and pleasure and everything else; the inability to walk through walls so that you can touch them and feel the boundary between you and another; otherness, so that you can see, touch, hug, dance, kiss, make love with a separate being. Don’t even let me get started with the intoxication of the physical senses! 

I think we can all agree that there are many assets to embodying a human being. Yet, we can all see the limitations and the heartache that it causes are equal to the ecstasy. It seems as though we have become so identified with the physical human self that we have forgotten our divine nature that knows our magnificence beyond the limitations of this dimension. We had forgotten that this was a choice and that we are more than this identity, body and this life. In this forgetting of this essential essence of our Being, we became overly identified with the Ego aspect of our being and without the conscious partner of the Soul driving the ship, our Egos jumped into the drivers seat to save the day. 

Whose fault was it, when the Soul seemed to disappear, fall asleep or get knocked unconscious? I think it is the nature of the Ego, that lives from separation consciousness, to ask that question and to argue and justify. Without the Soul present to infuse the frequency of Divine Love this story of separation takes over and we begin the slippery slope down this hellish hole of life without the Soul. 

Yet, the great awakening that we have been dreaming of is upon us. It is the awakening to the essence of the Soul, not just in ourself, but in all Life. ALL of it. At the beginning of this awakening we saw the ego as the problem. It seemed that when it took over all hell broke loose across the earth: corruption, famine, genocide, slavery, deforestation, devastating climate change, polluting of the soil, air and water and so on, and so on. Soulless humans running the show! 

Could it be that the human self, the Ego, got a bad rap. I would like to contemplate another story for a moment. The Souls of humanity choose this experiment of stepping back, letting the Egos take a go at it on their own. Maybe our Souls wanted this particular probability played out to know what it is like to be simply human-identified and feel the full amnesia from the Inner Divine perspective, and then to wake back up to this realization of the truth of who we really are; to forget to remember. 

From our human perspective this seems like a horrible idea! The Ego didn’t ask for this solo gig. It could not even be alive without the breath of spirit giving it life, so why would it want to be alone in an already lonely, separate mind? I have weaved this story, not as truth, but as way for myself to begin to perceive the Ego as something that I can appreciate, love and incorporate as a crucial aspect of my being. As I dismantle the old story of separation and polarity, I aim to allow a new story of interconnection and oneness to arise. It is pushing its way through my mind and my words as I contemplate the ego in a new way. 

My ego and my human-embodied soul are co-pilots on a grand adventure. They need each other. They are indeed apart of each other. When the Soul leaves the body the human self succumbs to the limitations of the physical dimension and re-emerges with the earth-body, Gaia, from which it came. The Soul returns to the spacious infinite dimension among the stars. The love affair comes to an end and the ache for this dance remains forever in the heart of the Soul and the body of the earth. 

In a time and a space within the lush garden of earth a precious and beautiful expression of the Infinite Source of Love entered the womb of a woman, native to this land. The womb was a new and foreign world to the Soul that felt the tangible sensation of its mother’s inner body. The slow and gradual awakening of its senses were fascinating to the soul as it merged with the growing body in the belly. The body carried the imprint of the mother and father and the bodies and minds of the humans that came before. The genetic material gave a unique blend of qualities to create a distinct physical expression of all that came before in the bodies that enable this body to emerge in the particular way it did. 

When this new being emerged from the body of the mother, it felt the familiar energy of the other humans that surrounded it for the first time in a way that it could perceive them as separate energies and shapes and colors and sounds. The explosion of senses was mind-blowing.  But the most stunning was the vision of the mother that it had only knew from within, as a part of her. The beauty and strangeness of her being separate from the body it knew as itself was, well, unsettling to say the least. So it slept, a lot, dreaming of the oneness that it knew as most natural. 

Soon the newborn noticed another energy gently prodding it awake. It whispered in its ear. You are a girl, you are a baby, you are brown and soft and smell like roses. You are magic and I am here to show you how to walk among humans. I will show you how to live in a body and keep it safe. I am your soul’s mate. I am Ego, at your service. She flutters her eyes open with excitement and recognition. Oh yes, this is why I have come: to be human and live within the world of form. My Ego is my mate and together we will be able to navigate a life of possibility, wonder, adventure. We are on the leading edge of creation. 

She feels safe with Ego, even though she never knew what feeling unsafe felt like. Earth is native territory for Ego. It knows the ropes and senses into the lineage that vibrate from the human body’s cells newly activated by this unique expression of Divine Energy. Ego knows how to utilize the strengths and weaknesses that it inherited in the body it inhabits. It diligently begins to train the Energy of the Soul on how to use this body and environment to best create and explore the world around it. Ego loves the scent of roses that the Soul brought with her. It is unearthly somehow and full of mystery. It feels sacred and familiar at the same time. Perhaps this body holds the memory of a time when rituals of Love were practiced in the body. The ego feels the memory and opens with a sigh of ease. 

Ego feels at home with the body, as Soul adjusts to the incredibly limiting range of motion. While she is often frustrated by the helpless little body she has merged with, she is full of awe and wonder as she senses the world from the body with sight, sound, touch, taste and scent. It is both bliss and hell all at once, with waves of ecstasy and pangs of intense fear weaving through the the matrix of the human experience. The Soul is fully present with it all, curious and enthralled by this strange and wonderful world. Ego takes her hand and navigates the fearless soul through the complexities of the human body and psyche and the physical dimension it is one with. A great friendship is being forged as this wild ride begins and then somehow, someway, one day something changed, and they lost each other along the way. 

Without the Soul the Ego was lifeless, desperate and callous. Everything was about survival. She was always anxious and worried and felt like she needed to prove her worth so that she would be loved, safe, alive. She needed to keep everyone in her life safe too, so she would be taken care of. Her body felt heavy and cumbersome. The inner flame was dim, for Soul could not be completely gone or Ego would die. There was just enough memory of her glowing warmth to keep going, trudging through life the best she could. 

Without the Ego, the Soul was groundless. She was unable to fulfill her life’s mission to really experience and know the dimension of form and the beauty that comes with this union when embodying the human. She felt restless for felt connection, intimacy expressed, creation manifested. She yearned to know what she came to earth to know and needed her co-pilot to navigate this earthly terrain that felt so strange and beautiful. 

After eons of separation living in worlds that either exalted or worshiped one or the other or disregarded, ignored, disowned or demonized one or the other,  they remembered that they need each other. They bravely stood up and called forth this union, in spite of the naysayers and the tugging and pulling from one side or the other. They decided that no other relationship is more important than this original union when the soul embodied  human. And with one bold and radical act of Love the two merged together as one, and something magically miraculous occurred.  

This reconciliation rippled through the Universe and across planet earth and the new human soul emerged. And on that day a new story was born, and the old one faded away. In this story spirit and matter are one. Everything is imbued with the divine. The Ego is honored as the wonderful earth guide that it is and the Soul is recognized as the revered guest of honor in the world of form. She is the artist in residence that innovates, inspires and ignites, creating beauty and meaning everywhere she goes. She is brilliant and adventurous and fearless and yet deeply respects the advice of her wise and practical guide that teaches her the human qualities that have evolved over millennia, as the body has learned to adapt to the ever changing environment within the earth plane.  Neither ego or soul is considered more important or sacred than the other in this New Earth that was born from the powerful desire demonstrated that fateful day when the Union of Human Ego and Divine Soul was restored.

Oneness, interconnection, unity consciousness flourished across the land and the golden age of Beauty and Bounty began and continues on into eternity. For the memory of the great division and the sorrow and pain it caused is etched in the DNA of each new human body that becomes embodied by Soul. It serves to remind us so we may know our worth with humility and courage as we forge forward and onward on this grand great adventure we call Life. 

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The World and The Inner-Net

Sept. 2020

Do you remember the good ole days, when all we knew about was the small world we lived in. Our immediate world was our world. We had three TV channels with news twice a day for an hour, thirty minutes each for local and world, as I recall. Of course I was a child during this golden age of ignorance, for the most part, which made it even easier to maintain relatively untouched by drama beyond my own. I was born in 1966. There seemed to be as much good news as bad news back then, seen through this limited window of what was happening in our community and the world around us. 

Now of course we are inundated 24/7 with bad news —devastating, heartbreaking, inconceivable, horrifying and terrifying news. Not just is it on television all day and night with hundreds of pundits elucidating us with their barrage of opinions, it is being broadcast in ads and opinions from your own friends and social media community weighing in on our handheld appendage, we call a cell phone. We all know it is hardly just a phone anymore. It is our world. In the palm of our hand. And, everybody else’s world. 

Some of this world is spectacular. It is a window into the brilliance, beauty, creativity, innovation  expressed in the world and humankind. It is mind boggling, the infinite field of information on the internet. Just as when Eve shared the luscious, red, crispy, sweet, juicy apple with Adam, opening their world up beyond the small yet magically perfect garden of Eden, we all eagerly bit the apple of the internet. Our world blew open and we would never be able to go back to the Eden of ignorance. Yes, ignorance, indeed, is bliss.

Yes, we opened up to a world beyond our little worlds and we are all sitting wondering if it has enriched our lives more than it was before, with all this extra information. As we wade through the the catastrophes, calamities, and cacophony as well as the stunning art, flyest fashion, and the latest Tupperware we are being stretched. So much so, we have become numb, medicated, chronically ill, or combustible. Or, perhaps you have found a path to inner alignment. Perhaps you have found yourself, like I, on your path to Awakening. 

I think of Awakening as the realization of your True Self, your Inner Being, your infinite, unlimited, eternal nature. It can be a visceral awareness, a deep ineffable remembering, a flash that feels eternal, or eternity that feels fleeting. It is awakening to the vast infinite field of the inner net that is so deep, wide and vast that it encompasses not just this universe, but ALL universes and beyond. This Divine Self is the inner-net that is truly infinite. When we awaken, we remember this truth and the drama of the form within the in-form-ation that we derive from the internet, is an expression, an outer tendril of this infinitesimal Universe that we are ONE with. 

We have gotten so utterly lost in the form in this information that we have forgotten that we are the IN that is creating the form!  When we go IN we access this creative force that fuels the expressions that unfolds in form. The IN is infinite. It is the non-stuff we are made of! 

We are letting information become more important than those creating it in the first place. Yes, information is created like everything else, save the Source that created it All. 

So what do we do with this contemplation I am sharing now, so it does not become another pile of information absorbed in the internet of things and thoughts. 

I offer it to you to initiate, activate, awaken the part of you that is ready to remember. There is something beyond the landfills of form, lives lived well, and maybe not so well, and all the things that were created on that journey, tangible and intangible, yet form all the same. I invite you to join me as I venture beyond what is and step into the dark cool waters of the unknown that lead us to the sweet sounds of our Souls serenading us into Life and Love that is formless, so that we may infuse our brilliant, creative, distinct essence into a new creation. Let’s leave the known land of massive archives held within the internet and venture into the inner-net that weaves a golden thread of connection with all life living deep within and beyond form. Let’s consider the possibilities we may inspire to emerge from the Infinite Field of formless Love. The womb of creation awaits your entry and lavishly nourishes you as you gestate in her dark fertile soil, so you may bring from your inner-net what you would be proud to see archived on the internet one day. 

The time of ignorance and knowledge has passed and we move into the time of wisdom and remembrance. We have devoured the red fruit of knowledge leaving our innocence behind with our ignorance and now we emerge with experience. With this evolved wisdom garnered through eons of trial and error, we embrace a new innocence, entering the threshold of a new way born of our deepest, sweetest desires. We surrender control and allow the emergence of Love beyond our individual and separate minds, thoughts, beliefs and truths. We trust in something grander, more beautiful, expansive and inclusive to embrace us and guide us to this new garden of Eden that we sense is just over the horizon.

I am here as guide for this inner-net. Although I do not see the way, I have honed my homing device that senses the way, by listening to my inner voice that keeps patiently calling me home. 

Wading into the cool, dark water can be scary at first, but once you begin you may realize that it is the easiest most natural path to take.  While your path may look different from mine, when in the depths of the Divine womb, our paths intersect in this web of intricate perfection and I can feel the vibration of you resonating as you find your way. There are guides, physical and non-physical, for us all, plucking the cords of our strings singing us home to the land where we live in coherence and harmony.