Coming Out of the Closet

I am making a public declaration of who I am and what my choices have been as a result. Sometimes this is simple and easy to do, especially when it goes along with the acceptable societal narrative of what is right and wrong. In the history of humanity this code of ethics has changed and evolved, thank God. Each time that we, as a collective, face a new consideration as to what we deem acceptable, a crescendo of resistance arises. The status quo pushes up against the pioneering ethics that offer a new way of believing, being, expressing in the world. The status quo hangs on for dear life to its identity, like the little self, the ego, that has come to believe that this is the way of safety and righteousness.

There has been a litany of previously unacceptables that have been transformed. To the generation born into the new perception of ethical values, the old dogma seems barbaric. And yet as the older generations still inhabit the earth so do their archaic beliefs that cling to a dying truth. How can we transform ourselves with the tides of evolution— the unstoppable wave of ‘progress’? We begin with our own personal inquiry. We ask ourselves to dive deep enough to know what is true for us, beyond time and space and popular opinion. We seek our integrity that supersedes the collective ethics and yet adds to its evolving expression of what is now acceptable to the whole.

We are in a portal of transformation right now. We are being asked to assess who we are, what we believe, what serves us and the whole, and what does not. The paradigm of life has been shaken by the crises of the current moment that has been more dramatically exposed than ever before by the saga of Covid. We are reaching the crescendo of this radical shake-up and it is time to choose. What will you choose? How will you move forward? Will you move forward?

My journey began when I was born, just like yours. We can’t help being who we truly are meant to be, even when life seems to be squashing our natural attempts. Life actually is offering us the sharp edge that hones the tool of evolution. With each encounter with this razor-sharp edge, we define more clearly the desires of our true self-expression. Sometimes this journey takes us on a windy and wild ride into some very dark and lonely places. For the Soul, this is part of the process of alchemy that It has come to experience.

I regress. Back to my journey that led me to this moment of ‘coming out’. When I was 4 or 5 my father wrote about his observations of my ‘independent spirit’, calling me ‘non-conforming Beki’. I read this in some old Christmas letters my dad had written when they were unearthed while my dad was on his death-bed the summer of 2018. It was illuminating and comforting to know that he truly saw me, my essential nature, at such a young age.

Another vivid memory I have was when Dad took us to the doctor. I remember jumping around in the back seat of the car joyfully, Dad pulling me out and taking my hand leading me into the office of Dr. Mock. When I realized they wanted to stick me with the needle, I screamed and pleaded, refusing to pull up my sleeve to bare my arm. With a sneaky and quick move, they pulled down my pants and stuck me in the butt. I felt betrayed and dismayed. How could my wonderful father, that I trusted so much, do such a thing.

Fast forward to my teenage self, visiting my family in Canada during the time I was living with my mother in the Bahamas. Dad suggested I go to the doctor for a check-up. I walked the block or so to the doctor’s office and he told me I needed a shot that I was not up-to-date on. I told him I had a fear, no phobia, of needles. By this point I assumed my fear was irrational, considering that vaccination was a common thing that everyone did. He reassured me it would not hurt and quickly stuck me in my left arm. I said to him that it really wasn’t so bad, and then proceeded to slowly slide off the chair beginning to lose consciousness. The doctor took me into the examination room to lie me down and gave me another injection of adrenaline in my…you guessed it…butt. Funny the things we remember. So much of my childhood I have forgotten. But these two ‘scenes’ are clear as day.

Everyone in my family was aware of my phobia. They also were aware of my low threshold for pain. When I became pregnant at 26 with my first son, we all wondered how I would endure childbirth. I hadn’t had a vaccine since that time I almost passed out. I dreaded the part of prenatal care that would entail getting blood drawn and of course the issue of an epidural was a consideration when thinking about the birthing process. I dove into reading and researching the whole process of being pregnant, wanting to do all I could to ensure a healthy pregnancy and baby and birth. Somehow the blood draws felt less invasive than the idea of an injection of some unknown substance into my body. I was surprised I could handle it although I learned that I needed to be lying down to avoid losing consciousness, literally.

In order to determine who would be my OB, I did a lot of research and ended up deciding on a practice of nurse-midwives. My first appointment to interview the prospective health care practitioner included me asking at least 30 questions to determine if they would fit my criteria! During my pregnancy, I went to a pediatrician to interview her, although I really did not know what I was looking for. I remember reading some forms that I was to sign that would give my consent to vaccinate my newborn. Perhaps most people just sign the forms and do not read the fine print, but after reading the litany of side effects, including brain damage and death, I could not sign it. I figured I would revisit it later and discuss it with my husband. Surely if everyone did this, it must be safe.

It turned out that the woman who taught our childbirth classes was a home-birth midwife and so during these classes, I was exposed to different ways of giving birth, including home birth. This seemed like such a wonderful option, and yet I figured that the responsible thing to do was to at least have my first child in a hospital, even though hospitals were a place I never was comfortable in. When my husband and I went to visit the hospital that I would give birth in, we walked out and I looked over to him and told him that I simply could not do it in there. He sighed and said, ‘Oh Beki, don’t do this to me.’ Remembering that always make me smile. He knew me so well. This realization was not an easy one for either of us to swallow. But in the deepest part of me, I knew this was not the safest place for me to give birth. I knew that in order for me to have the birth I wanted I needed to feel safe.

So, I dove into a whole new process of researching home-birth. I interviewed people that I knew in the community that had chosen this approach. I read statistics and accounts. I gathered the people I wanted to be present at my birth and led an exercise to release our own birth trauma so that no one would bring any unresolved energy into the space during my birthing process. Talking about non-conforming! And this story is just one branch of a very large tree of a life lived outside of the box.

The birth was fast and so beautiful. If I had had to get to the hospital it would have been a very close call. I valiantly breathed, grunted, and screamed through the two hours or so of labor with an amazing team of support holding space for the sacred event to occur. This act of birthing without drugs to numb the pain has been done each moment in all of human history by countless women. Even though I hated pain, something in me knew I could do this. It was the most physically challenging thing my body has ever endured and I felt empowered to know what I was capable of.

As I was healing from the birth we figured we should whisk our beautiful, perfect baby off to the pediatrician. While home-birth was an anomaly, it did not occur to me that we would not go along with the typical medical protocol of well-baby visits. Sherman dressed and bundled up our newborn and took him to his first doctor’s appointment, as I waited at home. When he came home, Sherman’s face was wet with tears. My heart jumped into my throat. What’s wrong?! I exclaimed. He said that the pediatrician was very condescending about our reckless choice to have a home-birth and wanted to admit our son into the hospital because she felt he looked jaundice and was suspicious of some little blisters on the roof of his mouth.

I called our midwife hysterical. She came right over, looked over our baby, and told us he was perfectly healthy. The blisters were from his ravenous nursing that also left painful blisters on my nipples. She also said that his skin color was not unusual for a black baby. She reassured us, but still set up two appointments with other healthcare practitioners who were ‘home-birth-friendly’. A new branch formed on my tree of life, informing a whole new trajectory as to how to tend to the health of my children. We took baby Chaz to his first chiropractic appointment and he got a gentle loving adjustment from Dr. Peter who became our holistic family healthcare provider for the next 25 years. We went to a different pediatrician that treated us all with respect and kindness and reassured us that our son was fine.

I am grateful for this nudge in another direction. I trust in life’s contractions. For this is truly the life force that informs the right and perfect path for each individual. As a result of this redirection, I was brought into a community that took a more holistic approach to health. While I pretty much preferred holistic and alternative approaches versus allopathic methods, I simply had not needed to go to a doctor much in my 26 years of life so I did not know much about my options. When the issue of vaccination came back up and rather than simply going along with the mainstream adherence to the childhood vaccines, I was exposed to a community that offered an alternative perspective on the history, safety, and efficacy of this medical intervention. I was given books and research papers to review so I could make an informed decision. In 1993, when I gave birth to my first son, there was no internet to do research and so finding information that went against the mainstream was not so easily available.

After much consideration, we decided to not vaccinate, with an open mind to consider changing our decision if new information convinced us it was safe and necessary. We also decided not to circumcise our three sons. I left this decision to my husband who read the book I offered him, and he came to this clear decision on his own. I was relieved. I often have thought that I was guided on this path because I might have had one of the children that would have been a casualty of vaccine injury. I did not feel the need to warn anyone else but trusted that they would be led by their personal divine guidance to the journey that their Soul yearned to experience.

I share this journey with you as I come ‘out of the closet’ to disclose to a critical public, my choice not to vaccinate my children then and now not to vaccinate myself, because I wanted to illustrate the intricate nature of each person’s choices. To truly have integrity I feel it is critical that I follow my inner knowing regardless of popular opinion —whether it be that you follow the impulse to love someone who is not considered appropriate to the society you live in or to express as a gender that is not the one you were born in, or to reject a tradition or ritual within your culture that does not resonate with your own inner knowing of what is right for you. My inner knowing is my path to being, expressing, and experiencing my True Self.

I married a man at a young age that I am still with after 35 years, which seems like a pretty traditional choice. But that is not why I chose this lifestyle. It is because it resonated with me and my inner guidance kept me on this path. It is easier to be a heterosexual, monogamous woman than the many alternatives. Yet many of my choices have not been so easy, or mainstream. What is important is not what you choose, it is that you choose what resonates with your deepest values. It is critical that we do not go against ourselves. This is the source of our suffering, or malaise, or disconnection. No one but you knows what is right for you. No one!

Yet, we live in a society that trains us out of our own inner knowing. It trains us to rely on an outside authority to tell us what to do to be safe, healthy, go to heaven, have enough, be accepted, loved, and lovable. We did not come here to be the same as anyone else. We came to express and experience our own unique self. We came to create not observe or adhere to a reality already created by others. We came to experience what it is to be both human and divine.

Each Soul is doing this in their own way. It is not my business to inform you of how to walk your life path and which branches you will sprout out into. Only you can sense into that guidance that will allow you to realize the life you came to live. So as we sit in the portal of collective and individual transformation, be mindful to tend to your own sacred womb of creation, even as you sense the Infinite Womb of life that holds us All. Listen carefully with your heart, your mind, and body for the impulses that awaken the spirit of love and light in you. When you feel this spark and sense the light at the end of the birth canal, even with closed eyes, move in that direction. Move towards your light, and you will enter the path that brings you to the ocean of Love where we will all meet in harmony and Oneness.

Yet know this, the path will not be the same or even similar to others. This is how it must be. For just as my winding path brought me to the knowing that informed my choice to not vaccinate myself or the children that came through my body, you have your own unique journey. I will not judge you for the choices that you hold that do not resonate with mine, even if I believe they threaten my way of life. For this too is the way of LIfe.

My spiritual practice is not to be against anything, but to open to that which I desire to see and experience in my life and in the world. So, while I am choosing not to receive these injections, it is my intention to be no more against vaccines than I am against the viruses that circulate our planet and live in our bodies. What I am for is health, wellbeing, wholeness. I am for choice, freedom and self-empowerment. I am for connection, intimacy, love. I am for clean air, soil and water. I am for peace and harmony in our relationships with each other and with our beloved planet. I am for expanded consciousness, evolution and awakening to our soulful essence that knows we are unlimited, infinite, eternal and free regardless of the conditions we encounter in form.

Energy goes where our attention flows, and energy creates all matter. Therefore what we give our attention to matters. As we witness a massive upheaval of the life we have come to expect, we are each facing many choices on how to proceed, and what really matters to us.

So, let us consider this. May we allow the choices of others to unfold without resistance. As you follow your inner light and honor others to follow theirs, I trust in the evolution of the Infinite Soul of Life to hold us all within this massive, endless, infinite womb of creation. I choose above all else to remember that I am free, that I am Infinite Love and that I am always at cause and choice of the life that unfolds before me. I choose unity consciousness, beauty, and wholeness. I choose to sense this part of you that chooses this too and ride the celestial waves of possibility and creativity in the vastness of the unified field with you, my beloved soul family, my beloved humanity.

Yes, I am indeed PRO-CHOICE!

And so it is!

Unleash the Healing Power Within!



Unleash the healing power within! In order to do this, first, you have to acknowledge and remember who you truly are. You must remember that you are indeed powerful. That you are an unlimited, eternal, infinite being. You must not only remember but feel the truth of this in every cell of your body. There is a deafening noise ‘out’ there right now that is constantly telling you that you are limited, finite, mortal. It is compelling to be swept away by the drama of this story. It is blinding us from being able to see the Truth. As our physical senses are bombarded with the disempowering story, we must move away from the physical and turn inward to the vast, dark, inner territory where our true power lies.

We must turn down the volume on the outside world, close the shades to the blaring lights that spotlight the fear, pestilence, violence, disharmony. We must cultivate a new perception so that we can create a new possibility. The mirage has distorted our vision so much that we cannot see that the monster in front of us is really an angel. We flail and scream, fight and flee within this place that has become a hell, while all along we have never left the Garden of Eden.

We have come to believe that this body is simply flesh, bone, and blood, separate from the Source that made it. We have been made to believe that spirit and matter are separate. Yet the truth is that this body is ENERGY and energy is consciousness. The expression of matter is intrinsically connected to the consciousness that Creates. The story of separation is so deeply entrenched in our cultural story that we are swimming in Love and don’t even know it. We are the Love we swim in.

Yet, so many of us have come to believe that we are unlovable, fragile beings scrambling to survive in a world filled with threats. The threats are ubiquitous. Now with the pandemic, many of us are even afraid of the bodies of those we love most — those who have loved us the most. Our own bodies are a threat to ourselves and others. We are more steeped in this illusion of separation than ever before as the source of the love we perceived as outside of us is now a threat in and of itself.

Strange times.

Yet, could it be that this is what we needed to push us to the brink of our sanity — a sanity that is predicated on an insane worldview? Could this be the moment in history when the illusion comes tumbling down and we wake up from this nightmare? Surely we have come to this brink before. Many, many times in history there have been collective crises. Do we keep reaching this threshold of humanity’s redemption and then slip back into the abyss of amnesia? Will we cross the threshold this time and re-member.

Our wholeness depends on our re-membering who we truly are. We are magnificent beings expressed as body, mind, soul. We are indeed eternal, unlimited, and free. We are choosing to be here in this dimension of form, in a world where we have forgotten our brilliance. We signed on for this adventure. Everything is Energy vibrating with its own unique frequencies projecting these tangible holograms of unfathomable beauty and untenable horror. All of it emerges from the same Source of consciousness that, at its essence, is Love. Love is not limited to expressions of rainbows, butterflies, and unicorns. Love is deep and wild and adventurous. Love is fearless and yearns to know Itself in every possible way. Love loves ALL experience.

How can we reunite with this Love that is our very essence? For to reunite is to re-member. It is to tap into this infinite Self that is fearless and free. What is needed is a colossal shift of perception. Before we can see the garden of Eden that we are immersed in, we must step out of the illusion and embrace the truth of who we are. We must see that which is invisible, listen for the soundless whispers of our own Divine Self. We must follow the guidance that comes from this quiet, still, darkness and feels like LOVE seeping into every corner of our being. This is the voice to follow, even when it may sound insane to the world of form that we have been entrained to believe in.

Believe in Beauty. Believe in Love, possibility. Do not believe what you can see with your eyes. Believe in the vision you hold in your heart and trust that as you do that this becomes the energy that creates the world. Stop believing in your limitations but remember that you have chosen them, at a soul level.

So even your limitations are not a limitation. They are tools for experience, evolution, and transformation. Yet, in our fearless zeal, we dove deep into this mirage of limitation and many of us have forgotten that we chose this. The longer we have forgotten the more believable this world of form has become. We have come to believe the lie, that we are separate from Life, from Love, from the earth, and from each other. We actually believe that we must protect ourselves from the many diverse manifestations of the One consciousness. This belief system is simply no longer sustainable. A profound powerlessness has seeped into the consciousness of all humanity. It makes us do the most horrendous and unfathomable things.

Some of us strive for power in ways that crush the masses. Others do it in small and subtle ways that chip away at the self-esteem of another, or their own sense of true power. We do our best to feel powerful in a world that has forgotten what true power is. Power is not derived from some outside identity or relationship with form, but it emerges from the Infinite unlimitedness derived from the unified field that is equally accessible to all. This is the field of unlimited abundance, resources, creativity, beauty, intelligence, wisdom, possibility. It is Infinite! There is no end to what can be inspired and manifested from this powerful Source.

When we remember this truth, that has been known within our ancient spiritual traditions, and now is being revealed within our academic and scientific institutions, we have a new choice to make. Will we continue to be run by the old story of separation, competition, the survival of the fittest. Or, will we embrace the story of Oneness and interconnection —The story that reminds us of our innate power that lies not in the manipulation of form and matter, but requires a deep surrender to the formless field of infinite Love. It requires a radical shift in perception that allows us to see the Beauty especially where it seems most impossible, and to unearth this beauty for all to behold. It requires us to feel into the creativity that burns at the core of our belly and unleash it with wild abandon sharing our own buried beauty for all to behold. It requires seeing the other as one with your very essence, no matter how much you may believe the mirage of their own dysfunction. It requires trusting in the wisdom of your own body — Listening intently to the messages that come from the living beings we call cells that inhabit the body that inhabits the Soul of our Infinite Self.

It requires us to remember that we are SOUL and that the Soul is still within the Body of something beyond our human understanding. We come from the formless and we return to the formless. We are all heirs to the Infinite Universe from which we are birthed. Not one of us is more powerful than the other. It is only our belief in our flawed perceptions, that have been taught to us, that make this ‘true’.

Let us consider believing something new. Will you join me in believing in something kinder, more inclusive, more expansive, more empowering? Are you ready to give up the disempowering story that came before, that may have even defined your identity? Are you ready to give up any story that keeps you in a victim role — or a story that requires victims in your world to feel powerful? Are you ready to design a new cultural story that draws from ancient knowings, sweet messages embedded in all religions and spiritual traditions, but blasts through any message that holds us hostage? Are you ready to embrace the new emerging story reflected in science that tells us we are made of energy, that energy is all there is and all matter emerges from this Infinite Field of energy, that some of us call Spirit, Source, God, the Unified Field? Are you ready to embrace a story that we are not only a part of the energy that surrounds us but the biology expressed in matter is all energy and it is a part of our own biology? We are not only energetically/spiritually interconnected. We are biologically entwined. We cannot separate our body from the biology that is around us. As we tend to the body or soul of another, whether human, animal, plant, or planet, we are tending to the wellbeing of our own body and soul.

While this interconnectedness is intrinsic and real, my well-being and self-expression do not require you to agree with my new story. Just by embracing it myself and turning down the volume on the noise from the story of disempowering isolation I can experience and emanate the power I seek to embody. I do not require you to see the garden of Eden that we are inhabiting for me to relish this unparalleled beauty. I do not require you to change in order for me to become free. On the contrary, it is the awakening, the re-membering, of one of us that inspires the awakening of the whole of us. It is a process and it may take time for the whole to re-member, once again, our power. Yet, each part of the whole can become whole unto itself and this commitment to our own individual wholeness becomes our greatest gift to the collective. For the embodied frequency of this remembering of wholeness is intoxicating and will be too seductive for others not to join the party in the Garden.

So be True to your Inner power.
Unleash the wildness of this sweet freedom.
When you feel fear seep in,
as you get caught up in the old story of limited, finite mortality,
close the door,
pull the shades,
turn off the sound
and go within.
Envision the new.
Listen to the soundless whispers of your soul guiding you to the REAL beyond form.
And once you are on solid ground again,
and have aligned to the vibration of your own unique frequency,
open your door and windows
and sing
your own wild, wise and beautiful song
for all others to hear.
In this way,
you become a creator of the cultural song we sing
and a force of transformation and evolution.
Unleash your Power and heal us all!

www.bekiart.com

What are you VOTING for?

As this general election comes to a climax, there is one thing that continues to reverberate in my mind and heart.

What we embody, we emanate. What we emanate we create. Our inner world is reflected in our outer world. What, therefore, are you embodying? What result do we want to see from this election? Regardless of the candidates you are voting for, WHAT are you voting for? What quality of life are you desiring? As we perceive a country divided, how can we embody the possibility of unity?

I imagine that the essence of what I desire as a human being is not so different from all other humans: Health, Love, to feel safe, prosperous, inspired. I desire peace of mind and peace in the world around me. I desire my children to be happy, healthy and self-sufficient. I desire a healthy environment; clean air, water, soil, food. I want enough for myself and others. I want to be treated with respect and dignity, the freedom to choose the lifestyle I desire. I could go on and on, and my hunch is that every human’s core desire is not so different. We just all have different ideas on how to achieve this.

We have become defensive and fearful, and combative. Yet, it is the simple yet powerful act of embodiment that will not only create a healthier, more beautiful inner world for ourselves to enjoy, but it becomes the epicenter of a seismic wave of energy that ripples into the world around us. This energy informs the climate of emotion that informs the climate of mind that impacts the actions taken within the collective field. It is time for a climate change. And it begins with our intention to literally be the change we wish to see in the world.

I know this sounds ridiculously simple, even though this statement made by Gandhi has been quoted a million times. But I sense that it is the key to the secret garden of Eden to which we all yearn to return. Most of us miss the point of BEING, and we jump into action before we have fully basked in the state of being that we wish to feel and see expressed in the world. Peace; this is a big one. If I cannot know, feel and maintain a state of inner peace, then I cannot be an agent for peace in the outer world. Love: I yearn to live in a world that people show love and respect and honor for each other, and yet if I have not cultivated a consistent state of love for self and others within my immediate world, how can I expect to see it out there.

Perhaps we believe if these states of Being were expressed in the world around us that we could finally be able to feel the love, peace, safety, enoughness that we seek to know. We have created a paradigm in which we rely on the outside to change the inside. It is a fatally disempowering paradigm. We believe that if we elect the right people who think as close to the way we think about the issues that are dear to us that at last, we can be safe, free, supported.

As long as we look outside ourselves to be ‘saved,’ we will live in a divided country, a divided self. Yet, as I embody my soul and the qualities that align me to my divine self, I know, experience and feel the fullness of life’s abundant beauty and the possibilities for us all. So, I commit to hold this state of embodied love and peace with faith and trust, not in a perfect government, but in an awakening of humanity to the peace and beauty that lives within each of us. Through the eyes of possibility and creativity, I will see a new Earth, a new humanity that deeply loves and respects itself.

While I have already cast my vote in the general election, I will continue to focus each day on that which I am voting for, not what I am voting against. I have had a lifetime to get clear about what I don’t want for myself and my community. I have been derailed, disheartened, and disenfranchised as I have bared witness to the conditions that I deem unacceptable. And in my powerlessness, I gave birth to my desire to be an agent of change. For me, I keep being guided back to the simple truth that begins with the profound intention to embody that which I desire to see and experience in my world. It takes discipline, awareness, and profound self-love.

So as you cast your vote, remember the power of your inner state to affect the outer state of the country and the world. My son said to me the other day, “I don’t feel that my one vote will make a difference.” I think he speaks for many. Yet, I know that every single person on this planet matters, and so does our vote — our literal vote and, more importantly, our energetic vote for what we bring to life. What are you voting for? What you embody, you vote for, and you send out into the matrix of life and we are all touched by these energetic votes in ways beyond what we can imagine. Your vote matters, and it creates matter, so let’s get intentional and embody what matters to you.

I vote for love, peace, joy, freedom, vitality, health, wisdom, compassion, inspiration, kindness, creativity, innovation, beauty, unity consciousness, appreciation, acceptance, opportunity for all, enthusiasm, understanding, patience, healing, transformation, Oneness, Awakening…

What are you VOTING for?

The World and The Inner-Net

Sept. 2020

Do you remember the good ole days, when all we knew about was the small world we lived in. Our immediate world was our world. We had three TV channels with news twice a day for an hour, thirty minutes each for local and world, as I recall. Of course I was a child during this golden age of ignorance, for the most part, which made it even easier to maintain relatively untouched by drama beyond my own. I was born in 1966. There seemed to be as much good news as bad news back then, seen through this limited window of what was happening in our community and the world around us. 

Now of course we are inundated 24/7 with bad news —devastating, heartbreaking, inconceivable, horrifying and terrifying news. Not just is it on television all day and night with hundreds of pundits elucidating us with their barrage of opinions, it is being broadcast in ads and opinions from your own friends and social media community weighing in on our handheld appendage, we call a cell phone. We all know it is hardly just a phone anymore. It is our world. In the palm of our hand. And, everybody else’s world. 

Some of this world is spectacular. It is a window into the brilliance, beauty, creativity, innovation  expressed in the world and humankind. It is mind boggling, the infinite field of information on the internet. Just as when Eve shared the luscious, red, crispy, sweet, juicy apple with Adam, opening their world up beyond the small yet magically perfect garden of Eden, we all eagerly bit the apple of the internet. Our world blew open and we would never be able to go back to the Eden of ignorance. Yes, ignorance, indeed, is bliss.

Yes, we opened up to a world beyond our little worlds and we are all sitting wondering if it has enriched our lives more than it was before, with all this extra information. As we wade through the the catastrophes, calamities, and cacophony as well as the stunning art, flyest fashion, and the latest Tupperware we are being stretched. So much so, we have become numb, medicated, chronically ill, or combustible. Or, perhaps you have found a path to inner alignment. Perhaps you have found yourself, like I, on your path to Awakening. 

I think of Awakening as the realization of your True Self, your Inner Being, your infinite, unlimited, eternal nature. It can be a visceral awareness, a deep ineffable remembering, a flash that feels eternal, or eternity that feels fleeting. It is awakening to the vast infinite field of the inner net that is so deep, wide and vast that it encompasses not just this universe, but ALL universes and beyond. This Divine Self is the inner-net that is truly infinite. When we awaken, we remember this truth and the drama of the form within the in-form-ation that we derive from the internet, is an expression, an outer tendril of this infinitesimal Universe that we are ONE with. 

We have gotten so utterly lost in the form in this information that we have forgotten that we are the IN that is creating the form!  When we go IN we access this creative force that fuels the expressions that unfolds in form. The IN is infinite. It is the non-stuff we are made of! 

We are letting information become more important than those creating it in the first place. Yes, information is created like everything else, save the Source that created it All. 

So what do we do with this contemplation I am sharing now, so it does not become another pile of information absorbed in the internet of things and thoughts. 

I offer it to you to initiate, activate, awaken the part of you that is ready to remember. There is something beyond the landfills of form, lives lived well, and maybe not so well, and all the things that were created on that journey, tangible and intangible, yet form all the same. I invite you to join me as I venture beyond what is and step into the dark cool waters of the unknown that lead us to the sweet sounds of our Souls serenading us into Life and Love that is formless, so that we may infuse our brilliant, creative, distinct essence into a new creation. Let’s leave the known land of massive archives held within the internet and venture into the inner-net that weaves a golden thread of connection with all life living deep within and beyond form. Let’s consider the possibilities we may inspire to emerge from the Infinite Field of formless Love. The womb of creation awaits your entry and lavishly nourishes you as you gestate in her dark fertile soil, so you may bring from your inner-net what you would be proud to see archived on the internet one day. 

The time of ignorance and knowledge has passed and we move into the time of wisdom and remembrance. We have devoured the red fruit of knowledge leaving our innocence behind with our ignorance and now we emerge with experience. With this evolved wisdom garnered through eons of trial and error, we embrace a new innocence, entering the threshold of a new way born of our deepest, sweetest desires. We surrender control and allow the emergence of Love beyond our individual and separate minds, thoughts, beliefs and truths. We trust in something grander, more beautiful, expansive and inclusive to embrace us and guide us to this new garden of Eden that we sense is just over the horizon.

I am here as guide for this inner-net. Although I do not see the way, I have honed my homing device that senses the way, by listening to my inner voice that keeps patiently calling me home. 

Wading into the cool, dark water can be scary at first, but once you begin you may realize that it is the easiest most natural path to take.  While your path may look different from mine, when in the depths of the Divine womb, our paths intersect in this web of intricate perfection and I can feel the vibration of you resonating as you find your way. There are guides, physical and non-physical, for us all, plucking the cords of our strings singing us home to the land where we live in coherence and harmony. 

My Theory of Emergence

The Vortex. Oil on canvas. By beki

8.25.2020

I propose, from my own spiritual, creative, artistic point of view, my own theory of emergence. I have been contemplating this as I explore the germ theory versus terrain theory as we are in the throes of a global health crisis, the COVID-19 Pandemic, that hinges its existence and perpetuation on the stronghold of this idea of germ theory. It presumes that a germ, a pathogen, a virus, that lives outside us, can jump on us, projected from another person infected with this disease, and cause disease within us. 

This model of reality is entrenched not just in our story of biology, but our social structures and traditional western religious models that assume that we are victim to something outside of us that determines our fate. In my own journey of awakening, I have come to a deep knowing that the Source, we call God, is not a force outside of me, but a Divine essence that resides within me and within all of Life. This Essence is Love and permeates and animates all of life. I also have a felt knowing that we are all sovereign beings of divine proportion, creators with profound and unlimited power that we have become utterly and tragically unaware of. So much so, that we succumb to the belief that we can be crushed and obliterated by an inert virus that succumbs to 20 seconds of hand washing. We believe that if we can just keep it out of our bodies, we will be safe.

In spite of this truth that the Universe resides within us all with divine intelligence and benevolence, the story of separation that fuels the beliefs that we are alone, weak, vulnerable, sinners, and so on, has infiltrated our minds and highjacked our reality. These self-deprecating legacies, entrenched in the lore of humanity, have inspired a perception of reality that tells the terrifying stories of contagion that gave me nightmares my whole life. 

Now I sit in the midst of this nightmare, and I am forced to wake up or else I will drown in my own fear. 

My theory of emergence, reflected beautifully within the ‘New Biology’ that I have recently become very intrigued with, is that everything emerges from you: your body, your mind, your consciousness. As I was doing my morning mediation I thought about how love is something that we seek outside of ourselves all the time. We ache to be loved. But could it be that we ache to feel love or loved. Certainly outside conditions can inspire the environment for the feeling to arise within us, but love cannot be injected into us. Someone can be effusively loving us and unless we can feel it within us, the gesture of devotion can have no effect. Therefore it seems to me that Love lives within and when felt it emerges impacting all who are present to experience the emergence and expression of what was there all along. 

The terrain theory in biology postulates that it is the inner environment of the body that is most consequential when it comes to the ability for conditions of disease to manifest within the body. In a way the disease emerges from the body as a way to alert the person that there is imbalance within. I feel that this imbalance begins with the mind, the thoughts and beliefs, and slowly makes its way into the physical body as a form of inner communication. In this sense disease is not so much a negative event, but rather a  network of communication designed to wake us up to something either spiritually, psychologically, or environmentally that is out of balance. Disease is a mechanism to inspire awareness for rebalancing, homeostasis.  

I also believe that there are conditions expresses in one’s life and body that are inspired by a more mysterious source that allows the soul to experience the adventure it came forth to live. In this case, while the disease could be a way of indicating imbalance, it also could be called forth by the soul of the human for a profound and deeply desired experience that our human minds cannot make sense of. Some things we just simply cannot understand from the human perspective and certainly not from the logical mind divorced from the mystical heart of intuitive knowing. 

Yet, this terrain theory of what I would like to call emergence, feels kinder to me than the older theory of the germ. It offers an empowering story in which we are never victims of life. Rather, we are continuously being offered feedback from the universe of what we are holding within our mind and body that no longer serves us. Just like the belief system that embraces the law of attraction, and that we ‘create our own reality’, I recognize that both by intention and by default, I am participating in my life’s expressions. I choose consciously or unconsciously by my focus and my perception. 

When life feels completely out of my control, I have learned to surrender to my Higher Power that not only lives within all living beings, but lives within me. This act of surrender, in a way, is a declaration of my faith in my Divine Self and the Infinite Source that I am one with. This faith is emergent. It is not something that can be learned. It can be cultivated, but the seed of faith lives within each of us. 

I have come to understand the collective reality, not as something imposed on me, but as an opportunity to see how I am either in coherence or dissonance with that reality. I can then choose consciously how I will participate in the emergence of a desired expression of collective reality. As a Divine Being, I recognize that my expressed energy has an impact on the whole. 

What we embody we emanate. 

When I am intentional and conscious of what I am embodying, I am choosing to be a vector of Love, peace, wisdom, kindness, respect, reverence, patience, understanding. It is my desire to embody that which I yearn to experience reflected back to me from the world. This quality of being that naturally and effortlessly emerges from me, is always what is being reflected back to me. The feedback gives me clarity as to what I am embodying. 

When I am looking outside myself and striving to change the conditions/symptoms, that are really the feedback offered for self awareness and self-reflection, I will often feel the mounting fear and exasperation, victimhood and hopelessness that is the very thing aching within me and causing me to flail in the world of form to create change. 

While some things will seemingly be accomplished from this old way of creating change, the more effective approach to bringing balance and homeostasis to a diseased, chaotic world, is from the inside out. Heal the dis-ease within and embody the essence of what you desire to see reflected in your world and you will become a powerful force for change. The work to heal anything, indeed, comes from within each of us. It is profound, conscious work and often considered self-indulgent. Yet, as we enter into a broader and deeper understanding of life, where the spiritual, social, biological intersect, where all is interconnected, you will recognize the beauty of self-full consciousness as a potent elixir for collective transformation. 

So dear citizens of planet earth, consider this possibility. If you are in the throes of the coronavirus experience or any other threatening reality, take the time to go within and explore what in you is a reflection of the world outside of you. Each of us are experiencing this global condition in different ways. Each of us are triggered by different aspects of this drama. As you see your part in this collective expression, consider what you would like to change about your offering. What is it that you need to embody in you, that you would like to see expressed in the world you live in. As you become clear, you are able to stop projecting all that you fear or despise outside of you and allow yourself to feel how it lives inside of you. 

This courageous act of self awareness is a profound gift to yourself and the whole of Life. As you own this dis-ease, you heal it. For as long as it is outside of you, you will be helpless to heal it. You can only heal what is yours to heal. This self-love heals you. As you heal, you become an unhindered vector of Love that has more influence and impact on the world than any diseased part of yourself ever had. Your inner terrain becomes a field of Love and light and all that comes into your sphere ‘catch’ the virus of love and this is the energy that becomes  contagious. Love will spread like wild fire to all the expressions of life around you and then the rippling effect will be exponential. 

You will be a vision of glowing health that will light up the world with your inner flame so others become more awake and aware of their own Inner Light. So take the time to tend you your inner terrain. It matters. For it is the very space from which all matter emerges.