I have come to realize that I am not here to save anyone or anything. I am not here to warn, fix, control. I am not here to tell you what you don’t know so that you will be safe. I am not here to study what I don’t know to make sure that I am safe. These are all well-meaning constructions of the egoic mind. It seeks to protect self and other so that it can keep this body safe and alive. Its identity is intrinsically tied to the body. This has served a very important purpose for the human soul. For the Infinite Soul knows that it is eternal, limitless and creates all that it lives. The Soul chooses this limited, material world and the mind of the ego that perceives from within the illusion of finite reality. It wanted to experience this reality and to evolve and expand consciousness through the means of this illusion of separation and limitation.
Yet there comes a time when the awareness of our infinite nature serves us more. I am in this place now. I choose to remember. I choose to unshackle my mind and body from the limited perception of what it means to be human. I choose to live what I know as a Soul. So as I witness the dysfunction and corruption that emerges from this separation-consciousness I will no longer allow myself to get caught up in the illusion. I will not become engulfed and distracted by the story of suffering and pain. It is compelling indeed. Just look how we partake in the horror stories in both our movies and the news.
I choose to bring my attention to the Beauty that lives at the core of ALL; all conditions, all things, all people. No matter how horrible it may look from the ‘reality’ we perceive, I will not consent to the story it paints. I will remember the Truth that is buried within this material world: We are All One; We are infinite beings of Love and Light; All that shows up in the world of form that we encounter is an opportunity for our Infinite Soul to evolve; at this Soul level, we have chosen all that shows up in our lives; Love is all there is. The greatest act of Love is to remember this Truth and to live as though this is our moment to moment knowing.
I know this. Every cell in my body rejoices as I remember this and write it here. Yet I still become distracted in the ‘reality’ that is playing out before me: the suffering, the corruption, the ignorance. I become terrified and from that state of being I seek control and a desperate need arises to fix the problems I see play out around me. I become blinded by the illusion and lose sight of the invisible reality that vibrates at the core of all life: the infinite essence and source of all life.
Those of us who are able to live and speak from the Infinite perspective of reality will be called all kinds of derogatory names: heretic, witch, dreamer, unrealistic, eccentric, quack, kook, dissident, dangerous, conspiratorial. We may lose our credibility or respect from our communities for seeing, knowing and giving value and attention to something that cannot be seen, that is not proven or tangible. Yet all of life is created from the formless, infinite dimension.
I choose to withdraw my consent from all forms of reality that do not honor Love. I withdraw my consent from all energies, entities, systems, conditions, things, from all time and space, known and unknown, that do not serve Love. I reclaim my sovereign power as a creative being of Light and Love. I reclaim my power to create reality instead of regurgitating the reality that I observe and unknowingly have consented to.
My Inner Guidance has been persistently encouraging me to remove my attention from those things that do not serve what I desire to experience or see empowered in my life and in the world, and to bring my attention to what I desire to create. It is important to realize that what we hold our attention on we give power to. We unwittingly empower the very things we rail against.
These past couple years of the Covid trauma/drama have been a rude awakening for me at a whole new level. So much of the corruption and deception and dysfunction within our systems and psyche was revealed to me in ways that felt more real and close up than ever before. I was revealed not just to this in the outer world but more importantly to the inner dysfunction that lived in me. I became more aware of the ways in which the myth of separation lived in me, and how I was contributing to this consciousness.
I have been committed to this inner awareness, painstakingly retrieving the parts of my soul that have separated from my wholeness as a result of lifetimes of trauma. Each time I reclaim a part of myself that I left behind and integrate this orphaned aspect of my being, I heal more deeply. I regain more of my energy, my power and my compassion grows.
I became aware of the belief structures within me that judged and othered and stigmatized. While dismantling these beliefs felt disorienting, I also felt a spaciousness emerge. The possibility of new realities were revealed, as I let go of the remnants of inherited beliefs that still hung on by a thread. The egoic need for the familiar and the ties to the past it honored kept me stuck and in some ways still do. But that stubborn thread is getting worn and the promise of a better way for all of us, including the ego that simply seeks safety and comfort, dawns on the horizon.
Yet, we still are in the midst of a grand global deconstruction of eons of consciousness. While I cannot control what happens outside of me, at least not from outside of me, I can transform from within. I can change my own consciousness by being willing to dismantle the many stories of separation that have infiltrated my mind as the truth. I can empower the reality that I want to see emerge from the ashes by seeing the beauty within all situations, people, things, energies and entities, especially when it is hard to see. I can shine the light on those buried treasures and be a revealer of Beauty which really is a more descriptive word for Love. For when Love is truly felt and known then we encounter the Beauty that is always there waiting to be seen and acknowledged.
Could it be that we have been making the ego the villain in our ongoing drama of this story of separation with the Soul as the hero? If we would only remember the truth of who we really are, the Soul, then we could dissolve the ego like the bad witch in the Wizard of Oz. I know that we are doing our best with words to understand, contemplate, and make sense of this reality that we are navigating. The many philosophers, intellectuals, scientists, shamans, religious scholars, artists etc. strive to offer their own versions of what all this Life could be about.
But could it be that all the versions are a story, a metaphor, an analogy to describe the indescribable. Even science, the purveyor of irrefutable provable reality, is in truth an art, a philosophy that keeps evolving and producing the most beautiful new discoveries and inventions. If only we could appreciate the creativity and innovation that emerges from these deep thinkers without needing to make it right to justify its value, perhaps we could make space for the validity of all.
So I would like to tell a new story about the ego. The Ego feels very unappreciated these days, particularity within the spiritual arena that speaks about burning, dissolving, and letting the ego die. Of course we have used the term loosely as a way to describe people who are ‘full of themselves’, arrogant, and braggadocios as having a particularity big ego. It is the ‘unspiritual’ part of the self and tends to be considered a hinderance for liberation. It is pretty much always used as a derogatory term and therefore has fallen into the role of villain.
However I would like to consider the idea that the Ego is the human self, the part of our consciousness that we merge with when our Soul enters the physical body. The Ego understands that it must work with the Soul to show It how to navigate the physical dimension of polarity, gravity, and limitation. This is not the domain of the Soul, who is by nature unlimited, eternal, and infinite. Yet, our Souls choose to be limited within these parameters for a very good reason or we would not be here. This physical world is BEAUTIFUL and full of potential and possibility. It allows for the most sensuous and delicious experiences that require the container that these limitations offer. Limitations such as: a mortal, physical body that can feel pain and pleasure and everything else; the inability to walk through walls so that you can touch them and feel the boundary between you and another; otherness, so that you can see, touch, hug, dance, kiss, make love with a separate being. Don’t even let me get started with the intoxication of the physical senses!
I think we can all agree that there are many assets to embodying a human being. Yet, we can all see the limitations and the heartache that it causes are equal to the ecstasy. It seems as though we have become so identified with the physical human self that we have forgotten our divine nature that knows our magnificence beyond the limitations of this dimension. We had forgotten that this was a choice and that we are more than this identity, body and this life. In this forgetting of this essential essence of our Being, we became overly identified with the Ego aspect of our being and without the conscious partner of the Soul driving the ship, our Egos jumped into the drivers seat to save the day.
Whose fault was it, when the Soul seemed to disappear, fall asleep or get knocked unconscious? I think it is the nature of the Ego, that lives from separation consciousness, to ask that question and to argue and justify. Without the Soul present to infuse the frequency of Divine Love this story of separation takes over and we begin the slippery slope down this hellish hole of life without the Soul.
Yet, the great awakening that we have been dreaming of is upon us. It is the awakening to the essence of the Soul, not just in ourself, but in all Life. ALL of it. At the beginning of this awakening we saw the ego as the problem. It seemed that when it took over all hell broke loose across the earth: corruption, famine, genocide, slavery, deforestation, devastating climate change, polluting of the soil, air and water and so on, and so on. Soulless humans running the show!
Could it be that the human self, the Ego, got a bad rap. I would like to contemplate another story for a moment. The Souls of humanity choose this experiment of stepping back, letting the Egos take a go at it on their own. Maybe our Souls wanted this particular probability played out to know what it is like to be simply human-identified and feel the full amnesia from the Inner Divine perspective, and then to wake back up to this realization of the truth of who we really are; to forget to remember.
From our human perspective this seems like a horrible idea! The Ego didn’t ask for this solo gig. It could not even be alive without the breath of spirit giving it life, so why would it want to be alone in an already lonely, separate mind? I have weaved this story, not as truth, but as way for myself to begin to perceive the Ego as something that I can appreciate, love and incorporate as a crucial aspect of my being. As I dismantle the old story of separation and polarity, I aim to allow a new story of interconnection and oneness to arise. It is pushing its way through my mind and my words as I contemplate the ego in a new way.
My ego and my human-embodied soul are co-pilots on a grand adventure. They need each other. They are indeed apart of each other. When the Soul leaves the body the human self succumbs to the limitations of the physical dimension and re-emerges with the earth-body, Gaia, from which it came. The Soul returns to the spacious infinite dimension among the stars. The love affair comes to an end and the ache for this dance remains forever in the heart of the Soul and the body of the earth.
In a time and a space within the lush garden of earth a precious and beautiful expression of the Infinite Source of Love entered the womb of a woman, native to this land. The womb was a new and foreign world to the Soul that felt the tangible sensation of its mother’s inner body. The slow and gradual awakening of its senses were fascinating to the soul as it merged with the growing body in the belly. The body carried the imprint of the mother and father and the bodies and minds of the humans that came before. The genetic material gave a unique blend of qualities to create a distinct physical expression of all that came before in the bodies that enable this body to emerge in the particular way it did.
When this new being emerged from the body of the mother, it felt the familiar energy of the other humans that surrounded it for the first time in a way that it could perceive them as separate energies and shapes and colors and sounds. The explosion of senses was mind-blowing. But the most stunning was the vision of the mother that it had only knew from within, as a part of her. The beauty and strangeness of her being separate from the body it knew as itself was, well, unsettling to say the least. So it slept, a lot, dreaming of the oneness that it knew as most natural.
Soon the newborn noticed another energy gently prodding it awake. It whispered in its ear. You are a girl, you are a baby, you are brown and soft and smell like roses. You are magic and I am here to show you how to walk among humans. I will show you how to live in a body and keep it safe. I am your soul’s mate. I am Ego, at your service. She flutters her eyes open with excitement and recognition. Oh yes, this is why I have come: to be human and live within the world of form. My Ego is my mate and together we will be able to navigate a life of possibility, wonder, adventure. We are on the leading edge of creation.
She feels safe with Ego, even though she never knew what feeling unsafe felt like. Earth is native territory for Ego. It knows the ropes and senses into the lineage that vibrate from the human body’s cells newly activated by this unique expression of Divine Energy. Ego knows how to utilize the strengths and weaknesses that it inherited in the body it inhabits. It diligently begins to train the Energy of the Soul on how to use this body and environment to best create and explore the world around it. Ego loves the scent of roses that the Soul brought with her. It is unearthly somehow and full of mystery. It feels sacred and familiar at the same time. Perhaps this body holds the memory of a time when rituals of Love were practiced in the body. The ego feels the memory and opens with a sigh of ease.
Ego feels at home with the body, as Soul adjusts to the incredibly limiting range of motion. While she is often frustrated by the helpless little body she has merged with, she is full of awe and wonder as she senses the world from the body with sight, sound, touch, taste and scent. It is both bliss and hell all at once, with waves of ecstasy and pangs of intense fear weaving through the the matrix of the human experience. The Soul is fully present with it all, curious and enthralled by this strange and wonderful world. Ego takes her hand and navigates the fearless soul through the complexities of the human body and psyche and the physical dimension it is one with. A great friendship is being forged as this wild ride begins and then somehow, someway, one day something changed, and they lost each other along the way.
Without the Soul the Ego was lifeless, desperate and callous. Everything was about survival. She was always anxious and worried and felt like she needed to prove her worth so that she would be loved, safe, alive. She needed to keep everyone in her life safe too, so she would be taken care of. Her body felt heavy and cumbersome. The inner flame was dim, for Soul could not be completely gone or Ego would die. There was just enough memory of her glowing warmth to keep going, trudging through life the best she could.
Without the Ego, the Soul was groundless. She was unable to fulfill her life’s mission to really experience and know the dimension of form and the beauty that comes with this union when embodying the human. She felt restless for felt connection, intimacy expressed, creation manifested. She yearned to know what she came to earth to know and needed her co-pilot to navigate this earthly terrain that felt so strange and beautiful.
After eons of separation living in worlds that either exalted or worshiped one or the other or disregarded, ignored, disowned or demonized one or the other, they remembered that they need each other. They bravely stood up and called forth this union, in spite of the naysayers and the tugging and pulling from one side or the other. They decided that no other relationship is more important than this original union when the soul embodied human. And with one bold and radical act of Love the two merged together as one, and something magically miraculous occurred.
This reconciliation rippled through the Universe and across planet earth and the new human soul emerged. And on that day a new story was born, and the old one faded away. In this story spirit and matter are one. Everything is imbued with the divine. The Ego is honored as the wonderful earth guide that it is and the Soul is recognized as the revered guest of honor in the world of form. She is the artist in residence that innovates, inspires and ignites, creating beauty and meaning everywhere she goes. She is brilliant and adventurous and fearless and yet deeply respects the advice of her wise and practical guide that teaches her the human qualities that have evolved over millennia, as the body has learned to adapt to the ever changing environment within the earth plane. Neither ego or soul is considered more important or sacred than the other in this New Earth that was born from the powerful desire demonstrated that fateful day when the Union of Human Ego and Divine Soul was restored.
Oneness, interconnection, unity consciousness flourished across the land and the golden age of Beauty and Bounty began and continues on into eternity. For the memory of the great division and the sorrow and pain it caused is etched in the DNA of each new human body that becomes embodied by Soul. It serves to remind us so we may know our worth with humility and courage as we forge forward and onward on this grand great adventure we call Life.