The Ego

My Ego, Oil on canvas, By Beki

9.9.20

Could it be that we have been making the ego the villain in our ongoing drama of this story of separation with the Soul as the hero? If we would only remember the truth of who we really are, the Soul, then we could dissolve the ego like the bad witch in the Wizard of Oz. I know that we are doing our best with words to understand, contemplate, and make sense of this reality that we are navigating. The many philosophers, intellectuals, scientists, shamans, religious scholars, artists etc. strive to offer their own versions of what all this Life could be about. 

But could it be that all the versions are a story, a metaphor, an analogy to describe the indescribable. Even science, the purveyor of irrefutable provable reality, is in truth an art, a philosophy that keeps evolving and producing the most beautiful new discoveries and inventions. If only we could appreciate the creativity and innovation that emerges from these deep thinkers without needing to make it right to justify its value, perhaps we could make space for the validity of all. 

So I would like to tell a new story about the ego. The Ego feels very unappreciated these days, particularity within the spiritual arena that speaks about burning, dissolving, and letting the ego die. Of course we have used the term loosely as a way to describe people who are ‘full of themselves’, arrogant, and braggadocios as having a particularity big ego. It is the ‘unspiritual’ part of the self and tends to be considered a hinderance for liberation. It is pretty much always used as a derogatory term and therefore has fallen into the role of villain. 

However I would like to consider the idea that the Ego is the human self, the part of our consciousness that we merge with when our Soul enters the physical body. The Ego understands that it must work with the Soul to show It how to navigate the physical dimension of polarity, gravity, and limitation. This is not the domain of the Soul, who is by nature unlimited, eternal, and infinite. Yet, our Souls choose to be limited within these parameters for a very good reason or we would not be here. This physical world is BEAUTIFUL and full of potential and possibility. It allows for the most sensuous and delicious experiences that require the container that these limitations offer. Limitations such as: a mortal, physical body that can feel pain and pleasure and everything else; the inability to walk through walls so that you can touch them and feel the boundary between you and another; otherness, so that you can see, touch, hug, dance, kiss, make love with a separate being. Don’t even let me get started with the intoxication of the physical senses! 

I think we can all agree that there are many assets to embodying a human being. Yet, we can all see the limitations and the heartache that it causes are equal to the ecstasy. It seems as though we have become so identified with the physical human self that we have forgotten our divine nature that knows our magnificence beyond the limitations of this dimension. We had forgotten that this was a choice and that we are more than this identity, body and this life. In this forgetting of this essential essence of our Being, we became overly identified with the Ego aspect of our being and without the conscious partner of the Soul driving the ship, our Egos jumped into the drivers seat to save the day. 

Whose fault was it, when the Soul seemed to disappear, fall asleep or get knocked unconscious? I think it is the nature of the Ego, that lives from separation consciousness, to ask that question and to argue and justify. Without the Soul present to infuse the frequency of Divine Love this story of separation takes over and we begin the slippery slope down this hellish hole of life without the Soul. 

Yet, the great awakening that we have been dreaming of is upon us. It is the awakening to the essence of the Soul, not just in ourself, but in all Life. ALL of it. At the beginning of this awakening we saw the ego as the problem. It seemed that when it took over all hell broke loose across the earth: corruption, famine, genocide, slavery, deforestation, devastating climate change, polluting of the soil, air and water and so on, and so on. Soulless humans running the show! 

Could it be that the human self, the Ego, got a bad rap. I would like to contemplate another story for a moment. The Souls of humanity choose this experiment of stepping back, letting the Egos take a go at it on their own. Maybe our Souls wanted this particular probability played out to know what it is like to be simply human-identified and feel the full amnesia from the Inner Divine perspective, and then to wake back up to this realization of the truth of who we really are; to forget to remember. 

From our human perspective this seems like a horrible idea! The Ego didn’t ask for this solo gig. It could not even be alive without the breath of spirit giving it life, so why would it want to be alone in an already lonely, separate mind? I have weaved this story, not as truth, but as way for myself to begin to perceive the Ego as something that I can appreciate, love and incorporate as a crucial aspect of my being. As I dismantle the old story of separation and polarity, I aim to allow a new story of interconnection and oneness to arise. It is pushing its way through my mind and my words as I contemplate the ego in a new way. 

My ego and my human-embodied soul are co-pilots on a grand adventure. They need each other. They are indeed apart of each other. When the Soul leaves the body the human self succumbs to the limitations of the physical dimension and re-emerges with the earth-body, Gaia, from which it came. The Soul returns to the spacious infinite dimension among the stars. The love affair comes to an end and the ache for this dance remains forever in the heart of the Soul and the body of the earth. 

In a time and a space within the lush garden of earth a precious and beautiful expression of the Infinite Source of Love entered the womb of a woman, native to this land. The womb was a new and foreign world to the Soul that felt the tangible sensation of its mother’s inner body. The slow and gradual awakening of its senses were fascinating to the soul as it merged with the growing body in the belly. The body carried the imprint of the mother and father and the bodies and minds of the humans that came before. The genetic material gave a unique blend of qualities to create a distinct physical expression of all that came before in the bodies that enable this body to emerge in the particular way it did. 

When this new being emerged from the body of the mother, it felt the familiar energy of the other humans that surrounded it for the first time in a way that it could perceive them as separate energies and shapes and colors and sounds. The explosion of senses was mind-blowing.  But the most stunning was the vision of the mother that it had only knew from within, as a part of her. The beauty and strangeness of her being separate from the body it knew as itself was, well, unsettling to say the least. So it slept, a lot, dreaming of the oneness that it knew as most natural. 

Soon the newborn noticed another energy gently prodding it awake. It whispered in its ear. You are a girl, you are a baby, you are brown and soft and smell like roses. You are magic and I am here to show you how to walk among humans. I will show you how to live in a body and keep it safe. I am your soul’s mate. I am Ego, at your service. She flutters her eyes open with excitement and recognition. Oh yes, this is why I have come: to be human and live within the world of form. My Ego is my mate and together we will be able to navigate a life of possibility, wonder, adventure. We are on the leading edge of creation. 

She feels safe with Ego, even though she never knew what feeling unsafe felt like. Earth is native territory for Ego. It knows the ropes and senses into the lineage that vibrate from the human body’s cells newly activated by this unique expression of Divine Energy. Ego knows how to utilize the strengths and weaknesses that it inherited in the body it inhabits. It diligently begins to train the Energy of the Soul on how to use this body and environment to best create and explore the world around it. Ego loves the scent of roses that the Soul brought with her. It is unearthly somehow and full of mystery. It feels sacred and familiar at the same time. Perhaps this body holds the memory of a time when rituals of Love were practiced in the body. The ego feels the memory and opens with a sigh of ease. 

Ego feels at home with the body, as Soul adjusts to the incredibly limiting range of motion. While she is often frustrated by the helpless little body she has merged with, she is full of awe and wonder as she senses the world from the body with sight, sound, touch, taste and scent. It is both bliss and hell all at once, with waves of ecstasy and pangs of intense fear weaving through the the matrix of the human experience. The Soul is fully present with it all, curious and enthralled by this strange and wonderful world. Ego takes her hand and navigates the fearless soul through the complexities of the human body and psyche and the physical dimension it is one with. A great friendship is being forged as this wild ride begins and then somehow, someway, one day something changed, and they lost each other along the way. 

Without the Soul the Ego was lifeless, desperate and callous. Everything was about survival. She was always anxious and worried and felt like she needed to prove her worth so that she would be loved, safe, alive. She needed to keep everyone in her life safe too, so she would be taken care of. Her body felt heavy and cumbersome. The inner flame was dim, for Soul could not be completely gone or Ego would die. There was just enough memory of her glowing warmth to keep going, trudging through life the best she could. 

Without the Ego, the Soul was groundless. She was unable to fulfill her life’s mission to really experience and know the dimension of form and the beauty that comes with this union when embodying the human. She felt restless for felt connection, intimacy expressed, creation manifested. She yearned to know what she came to earth to know and needed her co-pilot to navigate this earthly terrain that felt so strange and beautiful. 

After eons of separation living in worlds that either exalted or worshiped one or the other or disregarded, ignored, disowned or demonized one or the other,  they remembered that they need each other. They bravely stood up and called forth this union, in spite of the naysayers and the tugging and pulling from one side or the other. They decided that no other relationship is more important than this original union when the soul embodied  human. And with one bold and radical act of Love the two merged together as one, and something magically miraculous occurred.  

This reconciliation rippled through the Universe and across planet earth and the new human soul emerged. And on that day a new story was born, and the old one faded away. In this story spirit and matter are one. Everything is imbued with the divine. The Ego is honored as the wonderful earth guide that it is and the Soul is recognized as the revered guest of honor in the world of form. She is the artist in residence that innovates, inspires and ignites, creating beauty and meaning everywhere she goes. She is brilliant and adventurous and fearless and yet deeply respects the advice of her wise and practical guide that teaches her the human qualities that have evolved over millennia, as the body has learned to adapt to the ever changing environment within the earth plane.  Neither ego or soul is considered more important or sacred than the other in this New Earth that was born from the powerful desire demonstrated that fateful day when the Union of Human Ego and Divine Soul was restored.

Oneness, interconnection, unity consciousness flourished across the land and the golden age of Beauty and Bounty began and continues on into eternity. For the memory of the great division and the sorrow and pain it caused is etched in the DNA of each new human body that becomes embodied by Soul. It serves to remind us so we may know our worth with humility and courage as we forge forward and onward on this grand great adventure we call Life. 

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Resilience

Mind, Body and Soul. Acrylic on canvas. By beki

9.11.20

I live in the land of hurricanes and floods in the lush, green Lowcountry of South Carolina barrier islands. My sister lives on the other side of the country in the land of earthquakes, droughts and wildfires near the majestic hills and dramatic seascapes of California. 

In 1989 one of the strongest hurricanes plowed through my little city on the sea, leaving us with an apocalyptic version of Charleston and its surrounding lands. My husband and I were young and naive and casually bunkered down to ride out the category 5 Hurricane Hugo in our small townhouse in North Charleston. We had a tie-dye business at the time, which we operated in the open-air market downtown. We had all our handmade inventory packed in our car, which we unloaded daily to set up in the market. We did not even bother unloading it for Hugo’s arrival. We had no idea what we were in for as Hugo was raging out at sea with its eye on us!  

The experience was surreal. The pressure in the apartment was so intense that shampoo bottles were imploding, squirting the creamy gel out of closed tops. A tree fell on the roof and sprung a leak in my art studio, water pouring into a light socket in a big closet where I had my paintings stored. Fortunately we had grabbed a garbage can that was blowing around wildly in our front yard earlier as the storm began to ramp up and we were able to collect the water in the empty can. Since we had foolishly not filled the bathtub up with water, as they suggested on the news, that leak was our blessing in disguise. The water we collected served as our only source of water to flush toilets and bathe with for quite some time. While our neighbor’s car parked right next to ours was crushed by another fallen tree, our car was spared and our inventory was miraculously saved. 

While the devastation of property was disturbingly extensive, the demolition of nature was mind blowing and heart breaking. As we surveyed the damage for days to come, we were struck by how fortunate we were to be relatively unscathed, and yet horrified by what this storm had done to this beautiful part of the world we had come to love. I was devastated by the loss of trees more than anything. It looked like a war zone. We were without running water or electricity for at least a month I believe it was, perhaps more. After a couple weeks of primitive living, we packed up and drove to visit family up North. 

While in Canada we heard the harrowing news that there was a massive earthquake in the Bay Area of California, which is where my sister Sarah lived! Two natural disasters in the family within weeks of each other on the opposites sides of the country. How ironic. While it was traumatic and the destruction in the Bay was massive, Sarah was safe and so were her people. 

Our family was shook. 

In the last few years there has been a considerable increase in ‘natural’ disasters and we have braced for hurricanes every season without a break for the past four years. It is hurricane season right now, and so far we have not had a scare for my town yet, but it has been a very active season. We still have about a month or so and I am praying we will get a break. However, as I write, my sister and her world are experiencing wildfires that are raging all along west coast of the U.S. which is profoundly effecting the air quality in the Bay Area where she and her wife live. They cannot go outside to breathe the air. This is happening all in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, a disease that impacts the airways and the ability to breathe.

Wildfires have been a problem across the globe, threatening life, land, livelihoods, and most poignantly, the air we breathe. Could it be poetic justice. As humanity has clumsily, thoughtlessly, greedily, and recklessly plundered, pillaged and poisoned the earth, the air and the water, we are really feeling the consequences of our actions. Some still deny our part in tipping the balance of a complex and brilliant ecosystem that has sustained life for eons, yet most of us, dare I say, are waking up to the errors of our ways. One may wonder if Mama Earth might decide to shake us off like little pests before we do too much more damage. The truth is it will not take long for the ecosystem to recalibrate after removing us from the equation. The extinction of humanity would be a boon to the planet and the life forms that are in resonance with the natural flow of this planet. We had a glimpse of this during the global shutdown of the majority of human activity initiated as an attempt to slow the spread of the Coronavirus. Pollution dropped extensively, air clearing in areas that smog was so normal that wearing masks was commonplace. Within just days waters cleared. One of my favorite demonstrations of the effects of halting human activity was when over 100,000 flamingos descended on the big city of Mumbai, India during their annual migration! 

So there are two main things I want to address in this writing: the resilience of nature and the resilience of humanity. After Hurricane Hugo demolished my beloved city and countryside I lamented as to whether I wanted to move. For what I loved most about Charleston, that feed my Soul deeply, was the land. My heart broke for the broken trees and I had no idea how long it would take to resurrect its innate beauty from the death I saw everywhere in the barren land. Miraculously nature mended itself gradually and steadily. While we lost a lot, there were still many members of the tree family left standing including ancient oaks who have lived through more than we can begin to imagine. 

As nature mended itself and the lushness of the Lowcountry returned, the human communities banned together to support each other to rebuild homes and businesses. After tears, grief and gratitude, we rebuilt our world around us. Life is resilient! All of life. And we are a part of Life. We belong here and when we are at our best we love Life and we are generous stewards of it. When we are at our best we create beauty and honor beauty. When we are at our best we give freely and we love fully. When we are our best we add value, beauty and life to this precious world and earth we live in. 

As we mature from what seems like a brutal phase of teenage recklessness and our collective frontal lobe finally develops enough to be able to distinguish right from wrong with the wisdom of natural consequences as a guide, our parents will be able to breathe a sigh of relief. The Divine parents of Life know better than to interfere with the powerful learning process that comes from natural consequences. For unlike us human parents who try to control and protect rather than allow for the natural consequences to unfold, Divine Love knows the power of our resilience. It knows there is no loss in the grand scheme of things. Love knows we must learn from our mistakes, and that this is the way we evolve and expand. Our Divine Parents Love unconditionally. This Love transforms, creates and heals. 

No matter how surly and unlikeable our teenager gets, somehow some way, even in our conditionally-loving humanness we love them just the same. Fiercely. Could we expect any less from the Infinite Source of Love from which we all came? Could we consider that no matter how bad our behavior has been at times, no mater how unforgivable we may feel our actions, that we are still welcome in this place we call home. Mama Earth, Divine Love, Source, Allah, Yahweh, Vishnu, Mother/Father God love us all the same, in spite of our wayward ways. 

The real challenge we face is whether we can love ourselves and each other. This daunting task of changing our behaviors must begin with self love. The truth is that the homicidal tendencies seemingly rampant in human behavior is really a disguise for our suicidal wish. For how else could we continue on doing what we do to the earth making it more and more likely to be uninhabitable for human life if we did not have a subconscious death wish.

In 8th grade I wrote a speech on suicide and the only line I remember is the opening sentence. “Suicide is a call for help.” Is humanity calling out for help? In the midst of this chaos of emotion  reflected in the world around us, is it possible for us to forgive ourselves, and truly love ourselves and do the same for others? It is our only hope. If we continue this erroneous path of self-loathing expressed in all forms of violence, abuse, and recklessness, we may inadvertently, and perhaps even innocently commit mass suicide. For when we remember the truth of our interconnectedness, a genocide is suicide. Literally. When we kill another we indeed are killing a part of ourselves, on all levels: biologically, energetically, morally, spiritually.

So if you won’t forgive and love yourself for you, do it for me, for your beloveds and the ones to come. For all of humanity, for the sake of us all, please find it in your heart to love yourself. We do not have time to waste, wallowing in our self-critical nihilism. We have much too much loving and living and healing and creating and growing to do. For when the collective of humanity chooses to live, LIVE we shall! As we develop self love then not only will we demonstrate this love to ourselves but it will be natural to do the same with others and the planet. The outer word will become the reflection of the inner world vibrating with Love. We will allow ourselves to be nourished again by the Mother Earth and receive the natural bounty of her gifts with reverence and gratitude. We have learned from our mistakes and understand so much that we did not understand before. 

The lush, green land of South Carolina restored itself after ravaged by Hugo, cities crumbled by earthquakes have been rebuilt, rain falls on once cracked earth, soil regenerates when left untouched, families resurrect after centuries of slavery, a woman finds her voice after decades of abuse. We are fucking resilient! We can do this y’all. We can love each other. We can love ourselves. We can love and honor this beautiful blue planet we live on. We belong here. We belong here. We belong. 

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Making the Dream the Reality

Unity oil on canvas by beki

7/30/2020

We are in the midst of very strange times. I must admit that I have struggled to stay centered in the whirling winds of this hurricane. It seems that we are all being instigated to feel the buried patterns that keep us steeped in a state of separation consciousness. I would like to consider a possibility, as we collectively dance in the waters of this global crisis. 

Could it be that we are in the midst of birthing a new earth? The metaphysical and spiritual community which I resonate with, offers this potential. I would like to wade in the waters of this possibility and allow myself to feel the warm embrace of the cosmic Mother wrap me in her dark and safe womb. 

Could it be that all the extreme expressions of the illusive belief that we are separate from each other, the earth and all of life, is the last crescendo of resistance before the fall of the old paradigm? Could it be that this intensification of polarity consciousness is the rock bottom we all have been waiting for that will initiate the conversion experience that will awaken humanity to a new way of being that embraces interconnection, interdependence, unity consciousness and oneness? Could it be that this long moment in time is pushing all the dysfunctional programs to the surface to be revealed, so that we can make a choice to delete them from our hard drive, allowing space for new programs that serve the sustainability of Life flourishing on earth, including humanity?

Could it be that our collective Soul chose this moment so that we could evolve?

It feels like we are no longer in the warm embracing womb of the Mother. It feels like we are in the throes of labor. It hurts! To so many of us, it feels as though we are dying because the crushing squeeze of each contraction is annihilating the world we know. Some of us are  unconscious and perhaps numbed by medication that keeps us unaware of the intensity of the moment. For some souls, they have chosen to leave the physical dimension so they can assist from the realms of Divine Love, unencumbered by the fear-based ego. Perhaps some have left their bodies because they knew that their sacrifice would serve a greater good to awaken humanity to the insanity born of separation consciousness. Others are riding the rollercoaster ride with zest and zeal, fearlessly diving into the adventure of this drama. This program of control, competition and division is being revealed and the deep desire for a world of unity, cooperation, creativity and collaboration is growing. 

With the new enlivened desire for this new earth to emerge, we become at times, mesmerized by the conditions that are fueling the fierce desire for this expression of Love to take hold. The challenge for those of us who believe in this possibility is that we stay focused ON the new possibility and do not give our precious energy to the dying program that is fighting for its life. Fighting is the nature of the old paradigm. War is its language. It will fight to the bitter end. So it will require intense focus and commitment to remove our focus from this war zone, so that we can envision peace, beauty, thriving life and creative self expression for all. 

Do you remember the movie “A Beautiful Life” where the father creates a world of wonder and adventure for his son in the midst of being contained  within a WW2 concentration camp? For the love of his son, he ‘fooled’ him to believe this was a game, and he was able to keep him alive until the end of the war so that he could reunite with his mother. It takes a very creative, resilient and unique human being to be so focused. His love for his son and wife was so fierce that it gave birth to this intense commitment to creating beauty in the midst of war. He made the dream the reality for his child. 

It is time for us to do the same. We must make our wildest most beautiful, magical dream the reality in our own personal world. We must take our attention away form the world of war that our past has created, and focus on the world of beauty and peace that our past has inspired!

As we do this in the small ways that are close to home, we will grow in our ability to bring this frequency of a new reality to the larger community around us and beyond. We must practice this fierce Love. Let’s think of those that we love easily and fiercely and embody this New Earth for them. Live it and show them the truth of this beautiful new world. It won’t be hard once we train ourselves to see beauty everywhere. It is all around us already. We don’t even have to imagine, although that is always fun to do. Beauty and Love is the essence of all of Life. It is available in each moment, when we allow ourselves to see it. You may have to take out your metaphysical binoculars so that you can truly see the beauty where normally you see pain. Start with the places it is easy and then challenge yourself to find beauty everywhere. 

I assure you that as I write this, that I am writing this for myself. For someone who is addicted to feeling responsibility for the wellbeing of everyone, this is a challenge that I have failed at miserably. But my persistent Inner Being, and the beings of light and love that are always by my side, keep picking me up and patiently nudge me to this sacred seva —the sacred service that does not leave myself out. For as I embody Love, Beauty, Peace, Joy and Freedom, in the midst of a perceived world of the opposite, not only do I emanate this life giving, transforming frequency to the collective world, I am drenched in these divine frequencies and feel the relief of coming home to the Ultimate Truth of God. 

So I see Beauty. I see it. I feel it. I know it even when I can’t see it. It is in the starving child, the raging racist, the dying tree, in the sick and the poor, in violence and peace, in death, in struggle, in pain, in heartache, in the victim and the villain. Yes, this is hard. This is hard to accept, let alone see. We are trained to judge everything as right or wrong, good or bad, beautiful or ugly, worthy or unworthy. We have been trained to see everything as separate within the consciousness of duality and polarity. It is time to experience a new consciousness that can create a new reality. Our old consciousness keeps creating more of the same old reality. 

I don’t know about you, but I am tired of this limited perception of reality and I am down right exhausted by this war that lives inside and outside of me. It is usurping my creativity and zaps all my energy. So I invite you to find your own way to end the war, and to support me and others to envision, create, and see The more Beautiful World our Hearts Know is Possible that is already vibrating with vibrancy right behind the veil of our own limited perception. Let’s lift that veil and live from this reality, so that we can reveal this living truth for all to see!

Calling all Sacred Activists

SOUL TALK

OM HEALER (Self soul portrait) oil on canvas

6/13/2020

The last three months have been a crescendo of grief, fear, inner turmoil, confusion with many delicious dips into the cool pool of remembering, an urging from my soul to remember my inner truth, and tickles of excitement. Something BIG is happening inside of me and outside of me. I am living through an inner/outer contraction of mammoth magnitude! The global pandemic  initiated the contraction.

I remember when I went into labor with each of my sons, and how the powerful force of creative mayhem would enter my body — the contractions ensuing that would give birth to my beloved child, from formless to form, my long awaited progeny. A contraction is painful, intense and downright terrifying. It carries with it the realization that there is no going back. This baby is going to be born and in the act of its emergence, will ravish my body, ripping me open both physically and emotionally. 

When the labor of birth began my body would shake uncontrollably. There is nothing controllable about birth. It is the wild force of nature propelled by the creative Source of all Life. The best that any of us can do in the wake of Birth, is to surrender, allow and breathe. No matter how much you prepare, when the moment comes to bring life into the world, you are ushered into the deep, dark mystery of the Unknown. 

There is no other metaphor that holds the power and essence of what I am wanting to convey right now. For as I feel it, see it, know it, we are in a massive collective contraction. We are steeped in the chaotic power of a creative force that is squeezing us, calling us in, calling us out, ripping us open. It is indeed terrifying and extremely exciting. My little beki, my human mind is freaking out! But my Soul is fucking stoked. My Soul is feeling the fullness and fierceness of the moment. My Soul does not know the fear that my human self carries. She is not fearless, brave or courageous. She is fucking fierce and dared to come back to this wild world of chaos within this small brown body, in a time when folks are waking up to the atrocities that systemic racism has wreaked on black and brown bodies for centuries. My Soul knows something that I am just coming to integrate. She knows that I am Safe. 

Breathe.

Just take that in. 

You are safe too. We are all safe. 

Yes in the midst of a global pandemic, and now in the middle of the revolution for evolution spurred by the demonstrations protesting the murder of George Floyd by a police officer. Like wild fire, the demonstrations have spread throughout the country and across the world. We are demanding that Black Lives Matter. It is an eruption of all emotions all at once: horror, disgust, anger, rage, despair, terror, hopelessness, possibility, connection, isolation, intolerance, excitement, love, passion and purpose, exhaustion and on and on. I have felt many of those emotions. 

Fear and despair tend to be where I go first when I am emotionally triggered — with both the pandemic and the Revolution. I entered into both contractions with an intensity characteristic of my personality, and as I processed the information that was coming from out there I inevitably would find myself redirecting my energy in here — inside. 

Through my own spiritual journey and evolution I have come to understand how important it is for me to tune in to my Soul’s voice, and connect to the Divine Source of ALL life so that I may experience life with clarity and know my place and purpose within the world. For the last two weeks as I delved into the feeling initiated by my focus on the tremendously powerful movement for Black Lives, I ventured out into the world of matter. I felt the fullness of the external world and all the many reactions to it in my energy body and physical body. That is what I do. Perhaps you do too. It is a curse and a blessing. They call people like me empaths. It is exhausting and heart-breaking.

Yet there is a profound alchemy that happens when one learns to work with these energies. This is something I am definitely feeling happen in me right now. Each day I enter into a dialogue with my own Inner Guidance and I am offered tools and insight to navigate the outer and inner terrain that will be most beneficial for my evolution and support my unique offering to the collective. 

I call this work, sacred activism. When I enter the sacred work of communion with the Divine, I alchemize the human dimension of emotion, thought, belief into an elixir of Beauty. What is born from this inner journey of deep connection with the Love that is the very essence of Life, is an expression that arises from the formless. It is unique, alive, personal and universal. It is grounded in the frequency of Love and it feels clear, powerful, joyful and unconditional. 

When I emerge from this inner realm I am born again, awakened and enlightened. I become full of Presence and feel tuned in to the present moment. 

This is the energy that I am able to bring to the world of form, when I have taken the time to go within. 

For the past two days I have been painting a soul portrait, which requires me to enter into the formless, unseen, infinite field of the Divine. In this process, I open, trust, allow and surrender so that the impulse of this Soul can move through me to create a painting that becomes a tool for my client to re-member and awaken to her Divine Self. 

This is how I create. I create form from the formless. I do not focus on what is, and use that as the inspiration for my art. I enter into the dark womb of creation and let it emerge through me into form, as color, shape, energy, vibration made visible. Just as I did not make my sons, but allowed the seed of life to be planted in my womb, to grow and be born through my very body, so that the Soul of my child could be embodied. This was not a conscious choice, but a sacred agreement between my own soul and theirs. 

Now, I sit in the midst of a world that is seemly falling apart, at a tipping point, on the brink of extinction or the brink of ascension, depending on how you see it. Entropy or expansion.  Terrifying to the mind, exhilarating to the Soul. How do I proceed? How do you proceed? 

My Soul is clear. She tells me that I must create from the void. She tells me this is MY way. I am nudged to sit in stillness, tune in until I feel the fullness of Life and Love enter my being, and then steep in it a while longer. My Soul urges me to move beyond the emotions, after giving space for them to be felt and then to feel what is in that space beyond. I may not be able to see it, but I can feel it. She tells me to go where I go when I create art, when I give form to the formless beauty of Soul, Spirit, Love. She reminds me that this is not separate from the world of form, or the human experience, but it is the very Source from which it all came. It is the Mother’s womb of humanity. Spirit and Matter are one. But spirit is the source of creation, while matter is the creation. If you want to create something new, you must stop focusing on what is already manifested! Let the manifested only be the source of inspiration to ignite the new work of art. 

You see we are all mesmerized with what is already manifested in form, in matter, in the world. We are driven by the manifestation and strive to change it from the dimension of form. We are matching our inner vibration with the vibration of what is already created, when now, more than ever, we must generate a new vibration that becomes the force that creates a new creation, a new reality! That new vibration must be cultivated within each of us first and then we can band together energetically with other creators who are doing this inner sacred activism to affect change from the inside-out. 

Some of us will envision a new earth, a new expression of humanity and the way in which we interact with each other and all of life. Some of us, like myself, will feeeeeeel into a new frequency of Love, harmony, joy, freedom, clarity, empowerment, and embody that energy. 

Some will go within and be inspired to create some form of art that reflects the frequency of the new expression of Beauty we desire to see and feel in the world. 

Do not underestimate the power of this inner work. Do not mistake this removal of attention from the conditions of what is to the Infinite field, as ‘burying your head in the sand’. While this is certainly a coping mechanism for many humans living right now, it is not what the sacred activists are doing when they leave the outer world and enter into the fertile ground of the formless dimension. 

It is profoundly creative work, and requires intense focus and commitment. Yet, it is infinitely more kind to myself, as an empath, to follow the current of my own Soul, and leave the abrasiveness of the manifested world, so that I can feel and create the Beauty that heals.

It is easier to go downstream and infinitely more productive and beneficial to myself and my community, when I allow myself to do what I know I am meant to do in this moment in time. 

I share my own process with you today, even as I continue through the twists and turns, the contractions and expansions, the despair, fear, joy and clarity, to offer you this: 

Follow your inner knowing. 

Know your medicine, your gift, your way that is most natural, true and real to you. 

Bare your Beauty! 

Allow yourself to be yourSelf in all this craziness.

Do not let anyone else tell you how to be in the world right now. Only You know!

It is okay to find Peace inside before working towards peace outside. When you feel safe, you have access to joy, and then you walk out in the world and become a vector of joy and love. So do whatever it takes to remember and realize that you are safe. For me, this is core and the frontline of my inner work. 

Some of my tools for alignment: 

The vibrational medicine of flower essences 

fasting from social media and the news

Writing and receiving guidance for the Akashic Records

Walking in nature

Love making

Reading and watching inspirational material

Grounding/earthing

Follow your inner guidance and if you don’t have a relationship with this Inner Source of knowing, love and wisdom, find a way to develop it. Plan to meet up with her/him/You every single day and I promise you, you will fall in Love! For this is who you are, my dear beloveds. 

You. Are. Love. 

And I love you.

So if you choose, 

BE the vibration of Love and it will be reflected back to you in the world you inhabit. 

Stop being afraid, angry, hurt, intolerant… 

Be LOVE and this is what will BE. 

In Reverence, Love, and Oneness

The Body of Humanity

Every day I check in with Divine Guidance and receive messages that enlighten and soothe and offer clarity and sometimes instructions. This was the first piece I wrote about the Corona Virus on 2/29/20. For some reason I did not post it before some of the writings that followed. I am compelled to share it now.

Beki:

There is a worldwide panic about the spread of the Coronavirus that originated in China and has been the cause of many deaths. Thousands. Please talk to us about disease. Contagious diseases. How do we deal with this issue individually and collectively?

Divine Guidance: 

The Coronavirus is a symptom of sickness within the body of humanity. It reminds you that you are deeply connected to each other, and that if one aspect of your community is suffering then it will effect the wellbeing of the whole. If your foot is broken, you, as the consciousness of the whole, will feel this pain and will want to address it so that it can heal. 

A virus like this speaks to the consciousness of the whole. You cannot simply quarantine the virus in one part of the body of humanity and expect it not to effect the rest of the body. You certainly can attempt to and it will ward off the danger for a while, but until you address the core cause of dis-ease in the first place, it will find a way to get your attention by spreading to other aspects of the body. 

Your world is in upheaval. It is not the first time. There are many souls who have been here before in the midst of this kind of chaos. Many of you have come ‘back’ to this time and space to bring the wisdom you garnered from other times of upheaval. The question we would ask, is how can you heal this ‘Disease’ that affects humanity. This virus is a metaphor for the disease of disconnection. You must see how you are a part of a whole organism, as a human, that is a part of humanity and a part of the earth and all other aspects of this ecosystem that supports the thriving of each living species. Just as you are also a part of the body of God; an intricate, distinct, and essential part of the Divine whole – Consciousness expressing in a specific and unique way. 

The best way to heal this virus and the greater virus that plagues humanity, is to truly recognize your inter-connective nature. When you encounter another being, recognize that they are a part of you. Honor their presence. In the ways that feel most natural to you, uplift the other. See them in their wholeness and brilliance. Offer your assistance, if that feels empowering to them and you. Treat them like a brother, sister, mother, father in your heart. Hold them in the bosom of divine love. And most importantly, hold yourself there. For more damage is done to the human whole, by those who hate themselves. Self love trumps all other practices, for all other deviations from Love are born from this self-loathing. 

So individually, work towards unity consciousness. Become deeply aware of the connection you have with all of life. Practice seeing the wellbeing and beauty in the other, and even in the situations that feel unlovable to you. For they are a part of the whole of you, and if you ignore or shun it, it will be the dis-ease that grows and proliferates without you realizing, until it is too late. 

This can be as simple as flooding the whole of humanity with the frequency of Love, understanding, and envisioning the best of humanity proliferating in the minds and hearts of all. 

Embody the beauty and vision of the human race. Take the ones you abhor most and put them in the center of the healing circle in your mind and flood them with love so that you may reintegrate them into your human consciousness. 

Your deadly viruses show you the shadowy truth that you have not wanted to look at, and when you shed the light into the dark shadow of your worst beliefs and thoughts about yourselves, you can see how it has been eating away at your collective wellbeing. Welcome this opportunity to shed light and love and perceive the beauty within the darkness and you will heal the festering wound of separation. You will be able to see the nature of the condition that threatens you and more clearly know the solution that will heal it. But you must be willing to look deeper and bring the pieces of the puzzle together. Everything is interconnected and when you focus on the parts and not the whole, the picture is not complete, and you are left feeling hopeless. 

So we again, encourage you to seek the beauty, align to the Love that soothes and edifies you. Be willing to look into the darkness and then shed the soothing light of Divine Love, that does not judge but sees only Beauty. Align to Love before entering the wound and you will be guided. You will not be swallowed by the pain. And yet, do not pull back from the emotions that arise, for your feelings allow the motion needed to wash and heal the hidden wound. Weep and wail, but do not wallow. Allow the current of Divine Love to cleanse and reveal the beauty that was always there. Shine the light on the Bare Beauty. Reveal what is Real. Release the illusion of disease, and remember the Ease of Being. 

This is your work. This is the work of the light workers. To shine light on the truth. To awaken humanity to the Beauty that is present in all and especially in themselves. For ye are brilliant, beautiful, divine beings of Love, and you, dear ones, are LOVED.  Remember this. Embody this. And remind others of this truth. 

Received from the Akashic Records of Humanity