I have come to realize that I am not here to save anyone or anything. I am not here to warn, fix, control. I am not here to tell you what you don’t know so that you will be safe. I am not here to study what I don’t know to make sure that I am safe. These are all well-meaning constructions of the egoic mind. It seeks to protect self and other so that it can keep this body safe and alive. Its identity is intrinsically tied to the body. This has served a very important purpose for the human soul. For the Infinite Soul knows that it is eternal, limitless and creates all that it lives. The Soul chooses this limited, material world and the mind of the ego that perceives from within the illusion of finite reality. It wanted to experience this reality and to evolve and expand consciousness through the means of this illusion of separation and limitation.
Yet there comes a time when the awareness of our infinite nature serves us more. I am in this place now. I choose to remember. I choose to unshackle my mind and body from the limited perception of what it means to be human. I choose to live what I know as a Soul. So as I witness the dysfunction and corruption that emerges from this separation-consciousness I will no longer allow myself to get caught up in the illusion. I will not become engulfed and distracted by the story of suffering and pain. It is compelling indeed. Just look how we partake in the horror stories in both our movies and the news.
I choose to bring my attention to the Beauty that lives at the core of ALL; all conditions, all things, all people. No matter how horrible it may look from the ‘reality’ we perceive, I will not consent to the story it paints. I will remember the Truth that is buried within this material world: We are All One; We are infinite beings of Love and Light; All that shows up in the world of form that we encounter is an opportunity for our Infinite Soul to evolve; at this Soul level, we have chosen all that shows up in our lives; Love is all there is. The greatest act of Love is to remember this Truth and to live as though this is our moment to moment knowing.
I know this. Every cell in my body rejoices as I remember this and write it here. Yet I still become distracted in the ‘reality’ that is playing out before me: the suffering, the corruption, the ignorance. I become terrified and from that state of being I seek control and a desperate need arises to fix the problems I see play out around me. I become blinded by the illusion and lose sight of the invisible reality that vibrates at the core of all life: the infinite essence and source of all life.
Those of us who are able to live and speak from the Infinite perspective of reality will be called all kinds of derogatory names: heretic, witch, dreamer, unrealistic, eccentric, quack, kook, dissident, dangerous, conspiratorial. We may lose our credibility or respect from our communities for seeing, knowing and giving value and attention to something that cannot be seen, that is not proven or tangible. Yet all of life is created from the formless, infinite dimension.
I choose to withdraw my consent from all forms of reality that do not honor Love. I withdraw my consent from all energies, entities, systems, conditions, things, from all time and space, known and unknown, that do not serve Love. I reclaim my sovereign power as a creative being of Light and Love. I reclaim my power to create reality instead of regurgitating the reality that I observe and unknowingly have consented to.
My Inner Guidance has been persistently encouraging me to remove my attention from those things that do not serve what I desire to experience or see empowered in my life and in the world, and to bring my attention to what I desire to create. It is important to realize that what we hold our attention on we give power to. We unwittingly empower the very things we rail against.
These past couple years of the Covid trauma/drama have been a rude awakening for me at a whole new level. So much of the corruption and deception and dysfunction within our systems and psyche was revealed to me in ways that felt more real and close up than ever before. I was revealed not just to this in the outer world but more importantly to the inner dysfunction that lived in me. I became more aware of the ways in which the myth of separation lived in me, and how I was contributing to this consciousness.
I have been committed to this inner awareness, painstakingly retrieving the parts of my soul that have separated from my wholeness as a result of lifetimes of trauma. Each time I reclaim a part of myself that I left behind and integrate this orphaned aspect of my being, I heal more deeply. I regain more of my energy, my power and my compassion grows.
I became aware of the belief structures within me that judged and othered and stigmatized. While dismantling these beliefs felt disorienting, I also felt a spaciousness emerge. The possibility of new realities were revealed, as I let go of the remnants of inherited beliefs that still hung on by a thread. The egoic need for the familiar and the ties to the past it honored kept me stuck and in some ways still do. But that stubborn thread is getting worn and the promise of a better way for all of us, including the ego that simply seeks safety and comfort, dawns on the horizon.
Yet, we still are in the midst of a grand global deconstruction of eons of consciousness. While I cannot control what happens outside of me, at least not from outside of me, I can transform from within. I can change my own consciousness by being willing to dismantle the many stories of separation that have infiltrated my mind as the truth. I can empower the reality that I want to see emerge from the ashes by seeing the beauty within all situations, people, things, energies and entities, especially when it is hard to see. I can shine the light on those buried treasures and be a revealer of Beauty which really is a more descriptive word for Love. For when Love is truly felt and known then we encounter the Beauty that is always there waiting to be seen and acknowledged.
I am making a public declaration of who I am and what my choices have been as a result. Sometimes this is simple and easy to do, especially when it goes along with the acceptable societal narrative of what is right and wrong. In the history of humanity this code of ethics has changed and evolved, thank God. Each time that we, as a collective, face a new consideration as to what we deem acceptable, a crescendo of resistance arises. The status quo pushes up against the pioneering ethics that offer a new way of believing, being, expressing in the world. The status quo hangs on for dear life to its identity, like the little self, the ego, that has come to believe that this is the way of safety and righteousness.
There has been a litany of previously unacceptables that have been transformed. To the generation born into the new perception of ethical values, the old dogma seems barbaric. And yet as the older generations still inhabit the earth so do their archaic beliefs that cling to a dying truth. How can we transform ourselves with the tides of evolution— the unstoppable wave of ‘progress’? We begin with our own personal inquiry. We ask ourselves to dive deep enough to know what is true for us, beyond time and space and popular opinion. We seek our integrity that supersedes the collective ethics and yet adds to its evolving expression of what is now acceptable to the whole.
We are in a portal of transformation right now. We are being asked to assess who we are, what we believe, what serves us and the whole, and what does not. The paradigm of life has been shaken by the crises of the current moment that has been more dramatically exposed than ever before by the saga of Covid. We are reaching the crescendo of this radical shake-up and it is time to choose. What will you choose? How will you move forward? Will you move forward?
My journey began when I was born, just like yours. We can’t help being who we truly are meant to be, even when life seems to be squashing our natural attempts. Life actually is offering us the sharp edge that hones the tool of evolution. With each encounter with this razor-sharp edge, we define more clearly the desires of our true self-expression. Sometimes this journey takes us on a windy and wild ride into some very dark and lonely places. For the Soul, this is part of the process of alchemy that It has come to experience.
I regress. Back to my journey that led me to this moment of ‘coming out’. When I was 4 or 5 my father wrote about his observations of my ‘independent spirit’, calling me ‘non-conforming Beki’. I read this in some old Christmas letters my dad had written when they were unearthed while my dad was on his death-bed the summer of 2018. It was illuminating and comforting to know that he truly saw me, my essential nature, at such a young age.
Another vivid memory I have was when Dad took us to the doctor. I remember jumping around in the back seat of the car joyfully, Dad pulling me out and taking my hand leading me into the office of Dr. Mock. When I realized they wanted to stick me with the needle, I screamed and pleaded, refusing to pull up my sleeve to bare my arm. With a sneaky and quick move, they pulled down my pants and stuck me in the butt. I felt betrayed and dismayed. How could my wonderful father, that I trusted so much, do such a thing.
Fast forward to my teenage self, visiting my family in Canada during the time I was living with my mother in the Bahamas. Dad suggested I go to the doctor for a check-up. I walked the block or so to the doctor’s office and he told me I needed a shot that I was not up-to-date on. I told him I had a fear, no phobia, of needles. By this point I assumed my fear was irrational, considering that vaccination was a common thing that everyone did. He reassured me it would not hurt and quickly stuck me in my left arm. I said to him that it really wasn’t so bad, and then proceeded to slowly slide off the chair beginning to lose consciousness. The doctor took me into the examination room to lie me down and gave me another injection of adrenaline in my…you guessed it…butt. Funny the things we remember. So much of my childhood I have forgotten. But these two ‘scenes’ are clear as day.
Everyone in my family was aware of my phobia. They also were aware of my low threshold for pain. When I became pregnant at 26 with my first son, we all wondered how I would endure childbirth. I hadn’t had a vaccine since that time I almost passed out. I dreaded the part of prenatal care that would entail getting blood drawn and of course the issue of an epidural was a consideration when thinking about the birthing process. I dove into reading and researching the whole process of being pregnant, wanting to do all I could to ensure a healthy pregnancy and baby and birth. Somehow the blood draws felt less invasive than the idea of an injection of some unknown substance into my body. I was surprised I could handle it although I learned that I needed to be lying down to avoid losing consciousness, literally.
In order to determine who would be my OB, I did a lot of research and ended up deciding on a practice of nurse-midwives. My first appointment to interview the prospective health care practitioner included me asking at least 30 questions to determine if they would fit my criteria! During my pregnancy, I went to a pediatrician to interview her, although I really did not know what I was looking for. I remember reading some forms that I was to sign that would give my consent to vaccinate my newborn. Perhaps most people just sign the forms and do not read the fine print, but after reading the litany of side effects, including brain damage and death, I could not sign it. I figured I would revisit it later and discuss it with my husband. Surely if everyone did this, it must be safe.
It turned out that the woman who taught our childbirth classes was a home-birth midwife and so during these classes, I was exposed to different ways of giving birth, including home birth. This seemed like such a wonderful option, and yet I figured that the responsible thing to do was to at least have my first child in a hospital, even though hospitals were a place I never was comfortable in. When my husband and I went to visit the hospital that I would give birth in, we walked out and I looked over to him and told him that I simply could not do it in there. He sighed and said, ‘Oh Beki, don’t do this to me.’ Remembering that always make me smile. He knew me so well. This realization was not an easy one for either of us to swallow. But in the deepest part of me, I knew this was not the safest place for me to give birth. I knew that in order for me to have the birth I wanted I needed to feel safe.
So, I dove into a whole new process of researching home-birth. I interviewed people that I knew in the community that had chosen this approach. I read statistics and accounts. I gathered the people I wanted to be present at my birth and led an exercise to release our own birth trauma so that no one would bring any unresolved energy into the space during my birthing process. Talking about non-conforming! And this story is just one branch of a very large tree of a life lived outside of the box.
The birth was fast and so beautiful. If I had had to get to the hospital it would have been a very close call. I valiantly breathed, grunted, and screamed through the two hours or so of labor with an amazing team of support holding space for the sacred event to occur. This act of birthing without drugs to numb the pain has been done each moment in all of human history by countless women. Even though I hated pain, something in me knew I could do this. It was the most physically challenging thing my body has ever endured and I felt empowered to know what I was capable of.
As I was healing from the birth we figured we should whisk our beautiful, perfect baby off to the pediatrician. While home-birth was an anomaly, it did not occur to me that we would not go along with the typical medical protocol of well-baby visits. Sherman dressed and bundled up our newborn and took him to his first doctor’s appointment, as I waited at home. When he came home, Sherman’s face was wet with tears. My heart jumped into my throat. What’s wrong?! I exclaimed. He said that the pediatrician was very condescending about our reckless choice to have a home-birth and wanted to admit our son into the hospital because she felt he looked jaundice and was suspicious of some little blisters on the roof of his mouth.
I called our midwife hysterical. She came right over, looked over our baby, and told us he was perfectly healthy. The blisters were from his ravenous nursing that also left painful blisters on my nipples. She also said that his skin color was not unusual for a black baby. She reassured us, but still set up two appointments with other healthcare practitioners who were ‘home-birth-friendly’. A new branch formed on my tree of life, informing a whole new trajectory as to how to tend to the health of my children. We took baby Chaz to his first chiropractic appointment and he got a gentle loving adjustment from Dr. Peter who became our holistic family healthcare provider for the next 25 years. We went to a different pediatrician that treated us all with respect and kindness and reassured us that our son was fine.
I am grateful for this nudge in another direction. I trust in life’s contractions. For this is truly the life force that informs the right and perfect path for each individual. As a result of this redirection, I was brought into a community that took a more holistic approach to health. While I pretty much preferred holistic and alternative approaches versus allopathic methods, I simply had not needed to go to a doctor much in my 26 years of life so I did not know much about my options. When the issue of vaccination came back up and rather than simply going along with the mainstream adherence to the childhood vaccines, I was exposed to a community that offered an alternative perspective on the history, safety, and efficacy of this medical intervention. I was given books and research papers to review so I could make an informed decision. In 1993, when I gave birth to my first son, there was no internet to do research and so finding information that went against the mainstream was not so easily available.
After much consideration, we decided to not vaccinate, with an open mind to consider changing our decision if new information convinced us it was safe and necessary. We also decided not to circumcise our three sons. I left this decision to my husband who read the book I offered him, and he came to this clear decision on his own. I was relieved. I often have thought that I was guided on this path because I might have had one of the children that would have been a casualty of vaccine injury. I did not feel the need to warn anyone else but trusted that they would be led by their personal divine guidance to the journey that their Soul yearned to experience.
I share this journey with you as I come ‘out of the closet’ to disclose to a critical public, my choice not to vaccinate my children then and now not to vaccinate myself, because I wanted to illustrate the intricate nature of each person’s choices. To truly have integrity I feel it is critical that I follow my inner knowing regardless of popular opinion —whether it be that you follow the impulse to love someone who is not considered appropriate to the society you live in or to express as a gender that is not the one you were born in, or to reject a tradition or ritual within your culture that does not resonate with your own inner knowing of what is right for you. My inner knowing is my path to being, expressing, and experiencing my True Self.
I married a man at a young age that I am still with after 35 years, which seems like a pretty traditional choice. But that is not why I chose this lifestyle. It is because it resonated with me and my inner guidance kept me on this path. It is easier to be a heterosexual, monogamous woman than the many alternatives. Yet many of my choices have not been so easy, or mainstream. What is important is not what you choose, it is that you choose what resonates with your deepest values. It is critical that we do not go against ourselves. This is the source of our suffering, or malaise, or disconnection. No one but you knows what is right for you. No one!
Yet, we live in a society that trains us out of our own inner knowing. It trains us to rely on an outside authority to tell us what to do to be safe, healthy, go to heaven, have enough, be accepted, loved, and lovable. We did not come here to be the same as anyone else. We came to express and experience our own unique self. We came to create not observe or adhere to a reality already created by others. We came to experience what it is to be both human and divine.
Each Soul is doing this in their own way. It is not my business to inform you of how to walk your life path and which branches you will sprout out into. Only you can sense into that guidance that will allow you to realize the life you came to live. So as we sit in the portal of collective and individual transformation, be mindful to tend to your own sacred womb of creation, even as you sense the Infinite Womb of life that holds us All. Listen carefully with your heart, your mind, and body for the impulses that awaken the spirit of love and light in you. When you feel this spark and sense the light at the end of the birth canal, even with closed eyes, move in that direction. Move towards your light, and you will enter the path that brings you to the ocean of Love where we will all meet in harmony and Oneness.
Yet know this, the path will not be the same or even similar to others. This is how it must be. For just as my winding path brought me to the knowing that informed my choice to not vaccinate myself or the children that came through my body, you have your own unique journey. I will not judge you for the choices that you hold that do not resonate with mine, even if I believe they threaten my way of life. For this too is the way of LIfe.
My spiritual practice is not to be against anything, but to open to that which I desire to see and experience in my life and in the world. So, while I am choosing not to receive these injections, it is my intention to be no more against vaccines than I am against the viruses that circulate our planet and live in our bodies. What I am for is health, wellbeing, wholeness. I am for choice, freedom and self-empowerment. I am for connection, intimacy, love. I am for clean air, soil and water. I am for peace and harmony in our relationships with each other and with our beloved planet. I am for expanded consciousness, evolution and awakening to our soulful essence that knows we are unlimited, infinite, eternal and free regardless of the conditions we encounter in form.
Energy goes where our attention flows, and energy creates all matter. Therefore what we give our attention to matters. As we witness a massive upheaval of the life we have come to expect, we are each facing many choices on how to proceed, and what really matters to us.
So, let us consider this. May we allow the choices of others to unfold without resistance. As you follow your inner light and honor others to follow theirs, I trust in the evolution of the Infinite Soul of Life to hold us all within this massive, endless, infinite womb of creation. I choose above all else to remember that I am free, that I am Infinite Love and that I am always at cause and choice of the life that unfolds before me. I choose unity consciousness, beauty, and wholeness. I choose to sense this part of you that chooses this too and ride the celestial waves of possibility and creativity in the vastness of the unified field with you, my beloved soul family, my beloved humanity.
Do you remember the good ole days, when all we knew about was the small world we lived in. Our immediate world was our world. We had three TV channels with news twice a day for an hour, thirty minutes each for local and world, as I recall. Of course I was a child during this golden age of ignorance, for the most part, which made it even easier to maintain relatively untouched by drama beyond my own. I was born in 1966. There seemed to be as much good news as bad news back then, seen through this limited window of what was happening in our community and the world around us.
Now of course we are inundated 24/7 with bad news —devastating, heartbreaking, inconceivable, horrifying and terrifying news. Not just is it on television all day and night with hundreds of pundits elucidating us with their barrage of opinions, it is being broadcast in ads and opinions from your own friends and social media community weighing in on our handheld appendage, we call a cell phone. We all know it is hardly just a phone anymore. It is our world. In the palm of our hand. And, everybody else’s world.
Some of this world is spectacular. It is a window into the brilliance, beauty, creativity, innovation expressed in the world and humankind. It is mind boggling, the infinite field of information on the internet. Just as when Eve shared the luscious, red, crispy, sweet, juicy apple with Adam, opening their world up beyond the small yet magically perfect garden of Eden, we all eagerly bit the apple of the internet. Our world blew open and we would never be able to go back to the Eden of ignorance. Yes, ignorance, indeed, is bliss.
Yes, we opened up to a world beyond our little worlds and we are all sitting wondering if it has enriched our lives more than it was before, with all this extra information. As we wade through the the catastrophes, calamities, and cacophony as well as the stunning art, flyest fashion, and the latest Tupperware we are being stretched. So much so, we have become numb, medicated, chronically ill, or combustible. Or, perhaps you have found a path to inner alignment. Perhaps you have found yourself, like I, on your path to Awakening.
I think of Awakening as the realization of your True Self, your Inner Being, your infinite, unlimited, eternal nature. It can be a visceral awareness, a deep ineffable remembering, a flash that feels eternal, or eternity that feels fleeting. It is awakening to the vast infinite field of the inner net that is so deep, wide and vast that it encompasses not just this universe, but ALL universes and beyond. This Divine Self is the inner-net that is truly infinite. When we awaken, we remember this truth and the drama of the form within the in-form-ation that we derive from the internet, is an expression, an outer tendril of this infinitesimal Universe that we are ONE with.
We have gotten so utterly lost in the form in this information that we have forgotten that we are the IN that is creating the form! When we go IN we access this creative force that fuels the expressions that unfolds in form. The IN is infinite. It is the non-stuff we are made of!
We are letting information become more important than those creating it in the first place. Yes, information is created like everything else, save the Source that created it All.
So what do we do with this contemplation I am sharing now, so it does not become another pile of information absorbed in the internet of things and thoughts.
I offer it to you to initiate, activate, awaken the part of you that is ready to remember. There is something beyond the landfills of form, lives lived well, and maybe not so well, and all the things that were created on that journey, tangible and intangible, yet form all the same. I invite you to join me as I venture beyond what is and step into the dark cool waters of the unknown that lead us to the sweet sounds of our Souls serenading us into Life and Love that is formless, so that we may infuse our brilliant, creative, distinct essence into a new creation. Let’s leave the known land of massive archives held within the internet and venture into the inner-net that weaves a golden thread of connection with all life living deep within and beyond form. Let’s consider the possibilities we may inspire to emerge from the Infinite Field of formless Love. The womb of creation awaits your entry and lavishly nourishes you as you gestate in her dark fertile soil, so you may bring from your inner-net what you would be proud to see archived on the internet one day.
The time of ignorance and knowledge has passed and we move into the time of wisdom and remembrance. We have devoured the red fruit of knowledge leaving our innocence behind with our ignorance and now we emerge with experience. With this evolved wisdom garnered through eons of trial and error, we embrace a new innocence, entering the threshold of a new way born of our deepest, sweetest desires. We surrender control and allow the emergence of Love beyond our individual and separate minds, thoughts, beliefs and truths. We trust in something grander, more beautiful, expansive and inclusive to embrace us and guide us to this new garden of Eden that we sense is just over the horizon.
I am here as guide for this inner-net. Although I do not see the way, I have honed my homing device that senses the way, by listening to my inner voice that keeps patiently calling me home.
Wading into the cool, dark water can be scary at first, but once you begin you may realize that it is the easiest most natural path to take. While your path may look different from mine, when in the depths of the Divine womb, our paths intersect in this web of intricate perfection and I can feel the vibration of you resonating as you find your way. There are guides, physical and non-physical, for us all, plucking the cords of our strings singing us home to the land where we live in coherence and harmony.
We are in the midst of a profound collective contraction, unlike any we have experienced for generations, within humanity. The Coronavirus Pandemic, that began in China some short four months ago has spread across the globe effecting every human on earth in some way. As a result, we are being revealed to a Divine Truth that cannot be ignored. Now more than ever we are experiencing the the Truth of our Oneness. We are feeling how we are intrinsically and intricately connected to each other. This is being felt in the most tangible and physical way. We are part of one body. Within the spiritual context, we are all a part of the One Source, the ‘body of God’. Within the human context, which is simply an extension of the Divine essence of who we are, we are part of the one body of humanity. Each of us, effect each other. We all matter. We are a part of each other, a greater whole.
We have believed for too long that we are separate from each other, and on an island unto ourself. We have operated within the precarious bubble of safely based on a false premise that what I did, felt, said did not really matter beyond myself and perhaps my small inner circle. Many of us have believed that we really don’t matter, and that my presence or absence in this world does not have much of an impact on the whole.
Now, as we navigate this massive global crisis, we are being asked to play a part in saving the lives of others within the body of humanity. We are being asked individually to recognize that our presence, our actions and choices, can have a profound impact on the whole. We are being literally revealed to the way in which we are an intricate part of the whole, in this case of humanity. At a Divine level, we are part of a greater whole, as individuated expressions of the Infinite Source of All.
We are being asked to physically distance from each other so that we can contain the virus from spreading unchecked to all parts of the whole, to mitigate as much damage as possible to the bodies of humanity. We are being inspired to recognize our individual impact on the whole and take social responsibility for not just yourself and loved ones but for the global community.
The CDC, Center for Disease Control and Prevention, has issued the recommendations for mitigating the virus with simple yet drastic measures: Hyper-vigilant hygiene practices and ‘social distancing’. In a massive attempt to control human interaction, everything except essential services has been shut down, not just in the United States, but in countries across the world! It is an unprecedented effort that requires the cooperation, not just of the governments that implement and enforce the effort, but each household and individual within the family units. It is easy to ‘cheat’, because it is so incredibly against our nature to socially distance ourself. We are being called to become aware of how our bodies impact another. We breathe the same air as our brothers and sisters in China and Italy, Canada and Argentina, Iran and Russia, just as we breathe the air of our beloved.
There has never been a time that it is so clear that humanity is one organism made up of billions of ‘cells’ that make up the whole. It seems to me, that it has never been more prudent that we recognize this and stop bickering with the other ‘parts of the whole’ as though they are not necessary elements of our wholeness. We have been at war with each other for so long and it is literally killing us. It is time to stop looking for someone outside of our own ‘body’ to create peace in the world and realize the power that each of us have as a critical part of this whole body of humankind, and make peace with the collective self. Our lives depend on it. When we hate, hurt, curse, abuse, disrespect another, we are in essence doing that to ourself.
Right now we are being called to act in unison, in cooperation, in harmony, so that we can find homeostasis. Perhaps this exercise of divine discipline will activate a new quality of being that reaches for yet a greater health of the human condition. Perhaps this Divine disruption will bring us to our knees ushering us into a prayer for a new possibility of a more unified humanity. Perhaps this intense and painful contraction will be the catalyst needed to birth a new consciousness that awakens us to the Divine Truth of our Oneness, that is expressed in our human interconnectedness. Perhaps our awakened consciousness will remind us of how we belong, not just to each other, but to this earth. Humanity is born of both the Divine dimension and the physical earth body. Perhaps we will not only realize intellectually, but viscerally, in the very core of our being, that the wellbeing of every part of this whole is essential to our wellbeing and that the wellbeing of our planet impacts the wellbeing of humanity. May we be inspired to a deep understanding that the wholeness of our brother and sister affects us all. Whether you love or abhor another, they are a part of you, and until we love all parts of ourself and integrate all of the facets of our being, then we will not be healthy and free.
This journey starts and ends with the self. Until we heal, feel, integrate and love all parts of ourself and stop projecting our shadows out into the world of the apparent others, we will be spiraling in the illusion of separation and never quite land into the unconditional state of wellbeing and deep peace that is possible.
So we have brought ourselves this Divine Disrupter in the form of a deadly virus that spreads like wildfires, like the frequency of fear that keeps us from embodying Love. We are being asked to love each other and ourselves enough to stay home, stop everything, get off the tread mill and perhaps consider what really truly matters in life. We have a profound opportunity, like never before, to initiate the sacred act of selfless service and recognize the service to the whole is always service to the Self and in turn, service to the Self is service to the whole.
This is the sacred activism that is penetrating the old paradigm of separation consciousness and reminding humanity of their interconnectedness, their Oneness with all of life. In recent years this knowing has been activated by the many natural disasters throughout the world. Our Mother Earth has bore the brunt of delivering this divine disruption to awaken humanity, with fires and storms and earthquakes, floods and tsunamis, at a greater frequency and intensity than ever before. Now this virus infiltrates the lungs of humanity reminding us that we breathe as one and that we are truly in this together.
So let us take this Divine opportunity and synchronize our breath, our movements and elevate our consciousness to the dance of beauty and brilliance that is possible when we collaborate as a global community. Let us love each other by following the collective measures intended to tend to the wellbeing of another and at the same time recognizing that this is the gift we give ourselves. Let us stay centered in Love, grounded in the nourishing heart of the earth, open in heart and embodied by Soul. Do this in your own sweet unique way. We need you now, more than ever. You matter.
Your Soul knows you intimately and yearns for you to become aware of It more fully, so that It can become embodied by you in this physical human dimension. Your Soul is your very essence, the aspect of your being that is animating this present you, and is aware of All that you are beyond and within this space and time. Your Soul is ancient, wise and adventurous. It has so much to offer you! For too long we have become overly identified with the ego aspect of ourself, which has forgotten its Oneness with Source. This amnesia can make us feel isolated, afraid, small and stuck. It is time to re-member, to become one again with the Source of our being, the beginning of our breath. It is time to reunite with the whole Self and to embody our Soul, become Soul-centric, to know intimately Who We Really Are.
The Soul Portraits that I paint while in the Akashic Record of your Soul, is a Divine and brilliant, creative way for your Soul to communicate with your human self, in an image that is perfectly tailored for you. Because It knows you so well, It will offer the exact reflection of You that will initiate a recognition, that will catapult you on your evolutionary journey to expansion into the Soul-centric experience of human life that you came here to have! Each portrait holds within it not only visual cues for you to meditate on for your awakening, but embedded codes and symbols that hold a vibrational frequency that will become revealed at the exact time that your readiness allows. It will guide you into your Awakening, for your Soul knows the path to your blossoming. It is time for humanity to Awaken and know its Oneness with the Divine and each other. It is time for us all to evolve and be free. For, the Soul holds the key, the blueprint, to our freedom.
So, why would anyone not want to be in communion with their very own Soul and to have access to the fullness of our being that can unlock the mystery to whatever holds us back from our joy, peace, prosperity, purpose? I can speak from my own personal experience and from what I have observed as I have begun this journey of channeling the Divine in the form of Soul Art and the Soul Portraits, specifically. There was a time not long ago that I was not ready to be fully embodied by my Soul, and was comfortable with the familiar life I had come to enjoy. It felt relatively safe, with the occasional burst of discomfort, and the welling up of fear that I did my best to keep under wraps. However, I always sensed a lurking awareness that I was limiting myself and my full potential. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what I was so afraid of. If I became the full fledged powerful being of divine light, I professed I was and that we are all, would I have to leave the life I knew? Would I have to go meditate on the mountaintop and leave my beautiful family in order to become enlightened, awakened to this True Self? Would I have to step out of my comfort zone, the shadows of my paintings, and be seen? Maybe I would have to speak publicly, a phobia I have struggled with forever. This did not appeal to me, and when I felt the universe was sending me nudges, messages of my divine purpose, I unconsciously recoiled into the familiar, and resumed my domesticated life, literally and figuratively. My mind had become trained, domesticated into what was appropriate to feel, think and how to behave. Freedom, while it was what I yearned for, felt wild and unpredictable.
In 2009 when I had a powerful Awakening, I call my Eagle experience, I got a big dose of what it felt like to be embodied by the Divine mind. There was nothing scary about it. It was pure bliss! I was more engaged and intimate with my world here in the human, earthly realm, than ever before. I felt connected to all of it. I was completely unconditional in my love for all of life. I did not need anything to be different from what it was to feel this untouchable Joy and Love. I could not only sense and know the Love and Joy that I was, I could feel it in everyone else. I was given a great gift that day that unfolded and continued for about 7 days. I was able to know what it is to be Awake. It is when I realized that not only did I not have to give up all that I knew and loved in my life, but that with an awakened mind and heart, I would be more deeply in communion with it all. My love would be untethered by fear: the fear of loss, change, intimacy and even the fear of too much joy, too much freedom, too much peace. How odd it is that we fear so much beauty and bliss, and yet our human experiences have trained us into this domesticated perspective.
After I regained more ‘ordinary’ consciousness and my untethered Self faded back into its trained place, I slowly began the intentional journey into releasing the fear, and awakening to the Divine. The Universe conspired with me in many creative ways to guide me gently and lovingly into healing that which has kept me from my deepest desires and ultimate Awakening. When I was offered the guidance to paint Soul Portraits to support others in their own Healing and Awakening, my own unfolding quickened. I immersed myself in the vibration of the Divine within the Akashic Field, bringing forth images of Souls drenched in Love and Wisdom. My own self soul portrait and recently a second one that I painted to heal a past life as a Healer, has been a profound tool for my own Awakening. It seems not so long ago that I admitted over and over to my own fear of intimacy, and now, with this work and with the Flower essences, I feel myself leaning into intimacy with a sweet relishing of the other, their process, their pain and their healing into wakefulness. I yearn to touch their heart and free their soul, embrace their wholeness and honor their suffering. I am now ready…ready, to go beyond the fear and into sweet delicious intimacy, communion with the Soul of humanity. I am ready to face head on the pain of the past and feel it, allowing it to evolve, so the alchemy of my Self becoming can be realized.
I admit, I am a cautious one, and at times, doubtful of the signals that came from my untethered Self. I know what it is to recoil and chose comfort over expansion. My fear has run deep in the veins of my incarnated bodies. The fearless One that continues to come forth in these various lives, seems to recede into the ethers of another dimension. It becomes intangible and invisible, this very essence of my Self, as I fumble through this dimension with all its ups and downs, not acknowledging that which I cannot see.
Not this time around. This time I am making the Divine visible, with color and paint and a heart wide open, and the quieting of my mind so I may receive the Divine through Art. I am making the divine audible, by speaking Its words and writing them. I am making the Divine tangible by embodying my Soul and recognizing the Soul in others. I am in intimate communion with God, each time I gaze into the eyes of another, my son, my lover, a stranger. I am intimate with the Divine as I enter the field of the Akasha and share its messages whether it speaks to me on wooded paths, or to another in the sacred space of intention and trust. So I am here to share with you my own process so you know you are not alone, and to encourage you to release the resistance to knowing your Self intimately. I am here to gently coax you into readiness for your own healing and awakening…to entice you into the delicious freedom that your Soul is calling you towards. You will lose nothing but your fear. You are safe. You are loved, beyond your ability to imagine. Dive into the divine and you will be embraced and guided into the ecstatic realm of Infinite Possibility and Unconditional Love.
I experienced a miracle two days ago. I was frantically rushing to prepare breakfast for my friends for our Monday morning (spiritual) Awakening meeting. I made a beautiful frittata, put it in the oven and with 10 minutes to spare, jumped in the shower to get myself ready for the day. I had spent too much time cleaning the porch for our meeting, and was not as peaceful in my approach to my day as I would have liked. Oh well. No big deal. Bradely was there when I came out of my room, because I left the door unlocked. I took the frittata out of the oven and started getting some other little things together as I chatted with Bradely. Without thinking about it I turned around to move the skillet over and grabbed the scorching hot, straight-out-the-oven skillet. The searing pain was immediate and I screamed and ran to my room to get the cream for the burn. My entire palm and fingertips burned like crazy. I felt the awareness of the possible severity of the burn and the limitations it would create in my life while it was healing. I also felt a flash of gratitude that it was my left hand, as I am right handed and I think about my writing and painting hand as a sacred tool for my life purpose. I lathered the cream on my hand as tears rolled down my face.
The intensity of pain was consuming. The presence of Bradley and Sherman (my husband), who was awakened by my scream, was comforting, and yet it felt like they were a foggy haze barely audible as my immediate attention was riveted by the burning sensation. My whole hand was beet red. I could not sit still and so I left my room and them and paced around for a moment and then walked out to the back porch and sat down on a soft chair and closed my eyes and began to offer myself Reiki. I pulled in the Divine Light through my crown chakra and I asked for help. I became as focused as I was when I was in labour with my second son. I did not resist the intensity of sensation by entertaining all those insidious thoughts that would have me feeling fear, limitation, self pity. I just stayed focused on the energy that I was allowing to flow through me for my healing. It occurred to me that I may have to go to my room to maintain this focus and leave my friends to meet without me, but as I held my intention, I noticed some relief, in waves. I would have moments when I felt almost normal, and then the intensity would flood my hand like a wave washing back up on shore. But it was moving and shifting and not a steady stream of unbearable sensation. This was encouraging.
There was one moment when my dear friend, Sarita, came out to check on me and after I told her I would just sit there and focus on sending my hand energy, she said with compassion, ‘I am so sorry’. For a flash moment, I teared up and felt sorry for myself, and somehow after half a lifetime of practicing to watch my thoughts and how they make me feel, I was able to shift my attention back on the healing energy that was flowing through me to my hand. Interesting. I shared that moment with them later and expressed how tricky it is to be present and compassion and empathetic for another who is experiencing pain, physical or emotional, without enabling them to stay in it. So often I have wanted another to baby me and comfort me in my condition of pain and suffering. How can we offer acknowledgement and support to another and stay with them where they are without becoming a distraction from them knowing their wellbeing and the potential for their healing? If we give the condition too much attention, are we not helping them to make it more real and solid? How do we lead them into the quantum field of infinite potential and hold the vibration of knowing in the wellbeing that is vibrating in this real realm of reality that we simply cannot see? That was quite an epiphany for me to realize and a divine lesson from this experience that I am certain is a major part of why it manifested in my experience. Pain is a human experience that is inevitable to come and go in our lives, but suffering is always optional. Gratefully, I chose not to suffer this time.
So, as they chatted cheerfully inside the house, cutting up the tomato and the honeydew melon, as they would on any other Monday, I was grateful that they were all going along as usual. It gave me the time and focus I needed to send Reiki with intention, in the silence and the healing energy of nature. The natural air and gentle breeze comforted me. I continued to ride the waves of sensation without entertaining much thought other than the simple intention to send and receive Divine Love and energy into my hand and my heart.
When Reshuet, came out on the porch with her food, I was happy to have them join me at that point. I was able to be a part of the meeting, even though at the beginning I felt like I was in an altered state. So they ate the delicious frittata responsible for my …condition… and we began to share as I stayed focused on continuing to send energy. For the 3 hours, I was able to sit with them and hold the focus which offered the perfect blend of distraction and intention. You see this group of people and I (except for my mom who was not present that day) have been meeting for 3 years for 3 hours or more every Monday with the pure intention to support ourselves and each other in our process of Spiritual Awakening. So what better environment to be in for this intensive process of healing. We have cultivated a vibration of intention and an awakened mind as a group, that was the perfect support I needed to stay in Love and not fear. I believe this is an essential ingredient in accessing the frequency that heals.
Throughout that time I noticed the redness diminishing considerably in different areas of the hand. I was able to see and feel the most intense spots on the hand where the burn was. In the cradle of my grip between the thumb and pointer finger was most painful and the other three fingertips were the most red and sensitive. All those spots looked as thought some blistering may be forming, but as I sat there, the hand began to morph. By the end of the meeting I showed them my hand. It was truly a miracle that perhaps only I will truly know and realize the significance of. Having been burned in the past I know the potential route that burns take. The painful sensations tend to linger for days and the blistering, the peeling, the redness and rawness can last for days and weeks even. I would have to avoid water and all the many activities involving water would be a challenge. I certainly would not be typing, as I am now. You know what I mean. It would offer a whole different lesson, from the one I am experiencing now.
They all could see the improvement, especially Bradely who got a good look at it in the beginning. I was pretty excited, because not only did it look good, it felt good. The burning sensation and sensitivity to the worst spots rapidly improved as I tested them by touching them. It was truly a miracle. I have never experienced anything like that! While the skin was looking better and better throughout the day, it was still a bit tender and I was wiped out. Exhausted, I took a nap. It was my nephew’s birthday and we had planned to meet them for dinner, so I rallied and went, and while I was still protective of the hand that felt like it was healing from the outside in, I was able to enjoy the evening.
By the next day my hand was completely healed. I was able to do all the things I normally do. I showered, washed some dishes, worked in my shop that was fairly busy, I typed.
The only things that I did other than the Reiki to help heal my hand, was to apply the burn cream a couple times, sip on a glass of water with Rescue Remedy in it (flower essence 5 flower blend for trauma) and for maybe 5 minutes I put some ice on it. I never like icing because of the pain I feel when I take it off.
I know for a fact that the source of my healing is primarily the intention and focus I held in order to allow the Reiki energy to flow through and to me. It was the giving and receiving of Divine Love. It was accessing the quantum realm of infinite possibility. It was supported by an environment and community that is able to access this consciousness as well. I also know that the Divine in me, the Soul of my being, and the spirit guides who have been working with me on my accelerated course for healing work with others, offered me this Divine gift to know this truth, through personal experience. If there was any doubt of the efficacy of healing touch through Reiki coupled with focus of intention, than it has been erased. For this I am deeply grateful. No more red hot holy lessons for now, please! I got it. Thank you.
Often healing is not this rapid. Most of the time it is a gradual process and I think this is because some conditions take much longer to become manifested in our bodies. It can be years and maybe even lifetimes that a condition has been developing. The body or mind then erupts with a disease or emotional state that seems to have come out of no where, but in reality it has been developing for quite some time and maybe we have ignored the earlier indicators of being out of alignment. I believe that always the condition is part of our process of awakening. It offers us the opportunity to awaken to something essential, even if it does not mean staying in the body.
An acute condition such as mine with the burn, could have been a disaster, but was addressed immediately, and was not born of an old chronic pattern of thought, but was offered as an opportunity for me to practice my healing art, my mindfulness, my faith. I give thanks that this divine opportunity was not so dramatic as the one that Dr. Dispenza author of ‘You are the Placebo’ had as a young man when he was hit by a truck while cycling in a triathlon. He broke his spine in several spots and rather than getting the surgery that would require a rod inserted into his spine and a life of chronic pain, he chose to heal himself. That was dramatic and it dramatically affected the trajectory of his life’s work. It became his Divine opportunity.
So wherever we are on this journey of awakening to the power within us to tune in to the Divine Light, the Quantum field, the Source of all creation, God’s healing love and all that it has to offer us, we are all already there in some way, because it is this Energy that we are made of. It is the essence of our being and with awareness, faith and practice, we can access it whenever we desire. This is when miracles happen and the magic of our life will delight us with unending expressions of our Divine nature and our deep sweet connection to all of Life…even when it comes in the form of a blistering burn on the hand to be healed in a miraculous way.
This is an excerpt from my unpublished book, a spiritual memoir about Awakening.
Compassion is a feeling, an e-motion that moves us into connection with another that is suffering. Compassion dares to wade in the water of pain to touch the one who is submersed, unsure of whether she will drown. It caresses her and sits with her in the watery depths of despair, breathing enough oxygen for both of them, being mindful to keep its head above the water. Compassion is fearless in its willingness to be present in the pain that so often elicits humanity to its threshold. It knows its connection to Divine sustenance, and takes that knowing with it when it enters the frays of human disconnection. It leans into the dark hole of forgetfulness, connecting to its own humanness to connect the one who weeps, to the world of infinite love and wisdom. Compassion sits comfortably with the sadness and holds gently the bereaved. It opens human heart to hold the fullness of her sweet pain and transforms it into the Love that it truly is.
Compassion is the human expression of Divine Love. It is the delicious connection to humanity and sensation. It is the flesh of love that binds us to each other. It offers the visceral awareness that we are truly One.
The challenge with compassion arises when we unconsciously choose compassion over alignment with Source/Self. While compassion delivers us to the heart and soul of human connection, if we are not awake in our empathy, we may drown in a perception of another’s pain forgetting not only their intrinsic wellbeing that lies at the core of all beings, but we may be swept away in the current of another’s disconnection, risking our own stability which is often the very thing necessary to support the other in their resurfacing and realignment with their True Self. We must temper our propensity to dive into the depths of someone else’s despair when our nature leans towards compassion, and remember to keep our head above water.
I notice when I am feeling lost and unaligned that the peaceful strong energy of my mother, my husband, a friend, is much more comforting than someone who commiserates with me in my story of pain. Yet, I do not want them to pull me out of my emotions with the likes of a cheerleader on the sidelines coaxing me to joy, prematurely. I am grateful when they step into the space where I am, with their love and reverence for the process I am experiencing, honoring my pain, but not joining it. I am grateful when they sit quietly as I weep and I can feel their strong knowing that I am well, that I will feel well again, even when it seems impossible to me in that moment.
I choose to cultivate within me, this perfect blend between the compassion that dares to lean into the heart of human suffering and the mindfulness of staying awake and connected while reaching into this space of dark beauty, staying grounded in knowing the wellbeing of the other and of myself. I choose to be intimate with life, with my human nature, and I choose to be fierce in my commitment to alignment with my Divine nature. As I continue the practice of Unconditional Love, that knows love in all conditions, I am confident that my ability to remain in alignment while compassionately connecting with another who is not, will grow and blossom.
With very little money
Regardless of the condition of money being present.
Like unconditional love
Regardless of the conditions that are present.
A mother who taught me what it is to be rich
With or without the tangible manifestation of
She teases about going to the ‘Ocean Course’,
When I am taking care of her
When she becomes to…something…to take care of herself.
We laugh that I may put her on a budget and
That the extravagance of the plush beach resort restaurant
Will be too much for me to afford for her.
My heart smiles
And I think what a joy, pleasure and honor it would be to
Take her to her favorite place that feeds her soul
with food drenched in island sun
and an eyeful of sea-full splendor.
To be rich is to know you are worthy
Of such beauty
Regardless of how much money you have in your wallet or bank account.
To be rich is to live in a humble dwelling
and make it into a royal palace
of sacred opulent beauty
Infused with the divine
Emanating from objects reflecting consciousness
Art on every wall
Paintings by her
By her grandson.
To be rich is to wake up each morning in this beautiful
Warm glow of spirit
And oozing from
To be rich is to know how to live Unconditional Love
To Love without condition
The Divine Love
That we all are
No matter what shows up in our experience.
Opulence beyond your imagination
Living from the very core of your Soul
Where we are in communion with the realm of the Divine,
The Infinite Field of Possibility and Unconditional Love.
This is the rich soil
From which my being originates
In the dark soil of the Great Mother
and the sweet awakening spirit
Of the earth mother
Who knew her worth at a core level
Even when she was not aware of it.
My sweet matriarch, crone and wise woman
I will take you to the beautiful place that makes your heart sing
And I will breathe in the scent of salt air
and savor the bread pudding
Soaking up the sweet spirit of your soul
That has nurtured and given me permission to be
Worthy of the deep, delicious connection with my soul.
Life is so Rich
I can barely contain myself!
(The picture is of my mother with her 3 daughters)
I discovered the amazing magical energies of the Flower Essences several years ago when I was looking for some relief from emotions related to patterns of thought that caused fear, worry and anxiety within me. I had been worrying about my oldest son since he was a baby. I thought maybe it was normal to worry and be fearful for his wellbeing…the mother disease. While he definitely inspired more reasons later on in his life to make me worry, I realized with my other two sons that the chronic worry I had developed with the first son, was not nearly as acute with them.
So in a quest to find a natural way to bring harmony and balance for both myself and my son, I came upon the flowers! I couldn’t believe that it took so long for Life to bring them to me. I have been painting the ‘essence’ of flowers for 20 years or more, and then they came to me in the form of miracle drops. Some people think that they are essential oils or aromatherapy, but they are more like homeopathy, that you take internally. They could be qualified as vibrational medicine, which is completely natural and safe and can be used as a complementary treatment. As I studied more about them and learned the philosophy of the creator of the essences, Dr. Edward Bach, I was hooked. I wanted to know more. So I immersed myself in the information available and invested in a kit of all the 38 remedies and started treating myself, my family and friends. Eventually, through word of mouth, more people asked for consultations and now the ‘practice’ has evolved to include an integrative healing session with the Flowers, using guidance through the Akashic Records, and Reiki. I have always loved to support people in their process of healing and awakening to their true self. Now I have a creative and beautiful way to enter into sacred space with others and offer them a way to find some relief from life’s many stressors.
The Bach Flowers are very specific in treating different aspects of disharmony that plague the human mind. The remedy that offered me relief from the chronic worry for my son was Red Chestnut. Mimulus helped me work through fears, particularly of public speaking, combined with Larch for confidence. I offered pine to my youngest son, as he was always feeling responsible for anything the went wrong, even if he had nothing to do with it. Pine is for self-blame and offers the ability to feel more self-compassion. The flowers work on the subtle vibrational body, by flooding the ‘virtuous’ qualities into the energy field of the person and gently shifting the pattern into one that is in harmony and alignment with the True Self, our Soul. The process can be gradual but profound as it was for me. Sometimes it is dramatic and immediate. The effects can be long lasting and permanent. They also can cure the chronic pattern, even though you may occasionally feel worry for instance, but in a more situational way.
So what I offer with my clients is a consultation and healing experience that helps us to determine the perfect mix of flowers to support them in shifting into an experience with life that offers more joy, ease, freedom, purpose, authenticity, peace, creativity. The possibilities for what alignment looks like for one is endless and so exciting. Like the Soul Portrait, the unfolding through Divine guidance and deep compassion, is utterly creative and magical.
Please give me a call if you are interested in experiencing this magical transformation!
Now that you know the origins of my first Soul portrait, I would like to share with you the evolution of this approach to my art and the manifestations of Soul Portraits that are painted while intentionally opening the Akashic Record of the individual for the purpose of bringing forth an image that reflects the essence of their Soul. It is so powerful to go beyond the form that we have identified with and for most of us have become attached to as an expression of who we really are.
The Soul portrait, in a sense, frees us from this limited self perception and takes us beyond our prejudices and cultural, societal conditioning. Each portrait is uniquely created and inspired by your Soul through me. I am the channel, the vehicle through which this visual communication flows. I am utterly amazed, humbled and delighted by what emerges on the canvas. I am deeply honored and aware of the sacred journey I am on as I move into this Divine Realm of the Akashic Field. Each experience with the process is unique and the sensation in my body as well as my approach to creating the piece is distinctly different with each portrait. I have no idea what will emerge. I am curious that not one has come forth as completely abstract, yet, although I suspect it may at some point.
What I do feel certain of is that what comes forth is purely Divine in nature and is specifically for the one that I am painting it for. The message that their Soul desires to offer them comes through in the perfect way in which it will speak intimately to them. It’s offering will be ongoing and layered as one lives with the portrait, as it is vibrational in nature and will take one beyond the visual, while using the tangibility of the image at the same time, to transform and awaken.
I am sharing with you some samples of the Soul Portraits that I also have published on my website with pictures of the human version of them along with a statement by them about their experience with the Soul Portrait. Included is my Soul self-portrait that I was instructed to create, while in my own Akashic Records, as my first assignment for beginning this work for others. I received this ‘idea’ and guidance by my own Masters through the Records, while in session with my wonderful and deeply tuned-in healer and mentor, Chrys Franks.
If you think you would be interested in having your Soul painted in this profound way, please email me or give me a call for more information.