The Ego

My Ego, Oil on canvas, By Beki

9.9.20

Could it be that we have been making the ego the villain in our ongoing drama of this story of separation with the Soul as the hero? If we would only remember the truth of who we really are, the Soul, then we could dissolve the ego like the bad witch in the Wizard of Oz. I know that we are doing our best with words to understand, contemplate, and make sense of this reality that we are navigating. The many philosophers, intellectuals, scientists, shamans, religious scholars, artists etc. strive to offer their own versions of what all this Life could be about. 

But could it be that all the versions are a story, a metaphor, an analogy to describe the indescribable. Even science, the purveyor of irrefutable provable reality, is in truth an art, a philosophy that keeps evolving and producing the most beautiful new discoveries and inventions. If only we could appreciate the creativity and innovation that emerges from these deep thinkers without needing to make it right to justify its value, perhaps we could make space for the validity of all. 

So I would like to tell a new story about the ego. The Ego feels very unappreciated these days, particularity within the spiritual arena that speaks about burning, dissolving, and letting the ego die. Of course we have used the term loosely as a way to describe people who are ‘full of themselves’, arrogant, and braggadocios as having a particularity big ego. It is the ‘unspiritual’ part of the self and tends to be considered a hinderance for liberation. It is pretty much always used as a derogatory term and therefore has fallen into the role of villain. 

However I would like to consider the idea that the Ego is the human self, the part of our consciousness that we merge with when our Soul enters the physical body. The Ego understands that it must work with the Soul to show It how to navigate the physical dimension of polarity, gravity, and limitation. This is not the domain of the Soul, who is by nature unlimited, eternal, and infinite. Yet, our Souls choose to be limited within these parameters for a very good reason or we would not be here. This physical world is BEAUTIFUL and full of potential and possibility. It allows for the most sensuous and delicious experiences that require the container that these limitations offer. Limitations such as: a mortal, physical body that can feel pain and pleasure and everything else; the inability to walk through walls so that you can touch them and feel the boundary between you and another; otherness, so that you can see, touch, hug, dance, kiss, make love with a separate being. Don’t even let me get started with the intoxication of the physical senses! 

I think we can all agree that there are many assets to embodying a human being. Yet, we can all see the limitations and the heartache that it causes are equal to the ecstasy. It seems as though we have become so identified with the physical human self that we have forgotten our divine nature that knows our magnificence beyond the limitations of this dimension. We had forgotten that this was a choice and that we are more than this identity, body and this life. In this forgetting of this essential essence of our Being, we became overly identified with the Ego aspect of our being and without the conscious partner of the Soul driving the ship, our Egos jumped into the drivers seat to save the day. 

Whose fault was it, when the Soul seemed to disappear, fall asleep or get knocked unconscious? I think it is the nature of the Ego, that lives from separation consciousness, to ask that question and to argue and justify. Without the Soul present to infuse the frequency of Divine Love this story of separation takes over and we begin the slippery slope down this hellish hole of life without the Soul. 

Yet, the great awakening that we have been dreaming of is upon us. It is the awakening to the essence of the Soul, not just in ourself, but in all Life. ALL of it. At the beginning of this awakening we saw the ego as the problem. It seemed that when it took over all hell broke loose across the earth: corruption, famine, genocide, slavery, deforestation, devastating climate change, polluting of the soil, air and water and so on, and so on. Soulless humans running the show! 

Could it be that the human self, the Ego, got a bad rap. I would like to contemplate another story for a moment. The Souls of humanity choose this experiment of stepping back, letting the Egos take a go at it on their own. Maybe our Souls wanted this particular probability played out to know what it is like to be simply human-identified and feel the full amnesia from the Inner Divine perspective, and then to wake back up to this realization of the truth of who we really are; to forget to remember. 

From our human perspective this seems like a horrible idea! The Ego didn’t ask for this solo gig. It could not even be alive without the breath of spirit giving it life, so why would it want to be alone in an already lonely, separate mind? I have weaved this story, not as truth, but as way for myself to begin to perceive the Ego as something that I can appreciate, love and incorporate as a crucial aspect of my being. As I dismantle the old story of separation and polarity, I aim to allow a new story of interconnection and oneness to arise. It is pushing its way through my mind and my words as I contemplate the ego in a new way. 

My ego and my human-embodied soul are co-pilots on a grand adventure. They need each other. They are indeed apart of each other. When the Soul leaves the body the human self succumbs to the limitations of the physical dimension and re-emerges with the earth-body, Gaia, from which it came. The Soul returns to the spacious infinite dimension among the stars. The love affair comes to an end and the ache for this dance remains forever in the heart of the Soul and the body of the earth. 

In a time and a space within the lush garden of earth a precious and beautiful expression of the Infinite Source of Love entered the womb of a woman, native to this land. The womb was a new and foreign world to the Soul that felt the tangible sensation of its mother’s inner body. The slow and gradual awakening of its senses were fascinating to the soul as it merged with the growing body in the belly. The body carried the imprint of the mother and father and the bodies and minds of the humans that came before. The genetic material gave a unique blend of qualities to create a distinct physical expression of all that came before in the bodies that enable this body to emerge in the particular way it did. 

When this new being emerged from the body of the mother, it felt the familiar energy of the other humans that surrounded it for the first time in a way that it could perceive them as separate energies and shapes and colors and sounds. The explosion of senses was mind-blowing.  But the most stunning was the vision of the mother that it had only knew from within, as a part of her. The beauty and strangeness of her being separate from the body it knew as itself was, well, unsettling to say the least. So it slept, a lot, dreaming of the oneness that it knew as most natural. 

Soon the newborn noticed another energy gently prodding it awake. It whispered in its ear. You are a girl, you are a baby, you are brown and soft and smell like roses. You are magic and I am here to show you how to walk among humans. I will show you how to live in a body and keep it safe. I am your soul’s mate. I am Ego, at your service. She flutters her eyes open with excitement and recognition. Oh yes, this is why I have come: to be human and live within the world of form. My Ego is my mate and together we will be able to navigate a life of possibility, wonder, adventure. We are on the leading edge of creation. 

She feels safe with Ego, even though she never knew what feeling unsafe felt like. Earth is native territory for Ego. It knows the ropes and senses into the lineage that vibrate from the human body’s cells newly activated by this unique expression of Divine Energy. Ego knows how to utilize the strengths and weaknesses that it inherited in the body it inhabits. It diligently begins to train the Energy of the Soul on how to use this body and environment to best create and explore the world around it. Ego loves the scent of roses that the Soul brought with her. It is unearthly somehow and full of mystery. It feels sacred and familiar at the same time. Perhaps this body holds the memory of a time when rituals of Love were practiced in the body. The ego feels the memory and opens with a sigh of ease. 

Ego feels at home with the body, as Soul adjusts to the incredibly limiting range of motion. While she is often frustrated by the helpless little body she has merged with, she is full of awe and wonder as she senses the world from the body with sight, sound, touch, taste and scent. It is both bliss and hell all at once, with waves of ecstasy and pangs of intense fear weaving through the the matrix of the human experience. The Soul is fully present with it all, curious and enthralled by this strange and wonderful world. Ego takes her hand and navigates the fearless soul through the complexities of the human body and psyche and the physical dimension it is one with. A great friendship is being forged as this wild ride begins and then somehow, someway, one day something changed, and they lost each other along the way. 

Without the Soul the Ego was lifeless, desperate and callous. Everything was about survival. She was always anxious and worried and felt like she needed to prove her worth so that she would be loved, safe, alive. She needed to keep everyone in her life safe too, so she would be taken care of. Her body felt heavy and cumbersome. The inner flame was dim, for Soul could not be completely gone or Ego would die. There was just enough memory of her glowing warmth to keep going, trudging through life the best she could. 

Without the Ego, the Soul was groundless. She was unable to fulfill her life’s mission to really experience and know the dimension of form and the beauty that comes with this union when embodying the human. She felt restless for felt connection, intimacy expressed, creation manifested. She yearned to know what she came to earth to know and needed her co-pilot to navigate this earthly terrain that felt so strange and beautiful. 

After eons of separation living in worlds that either exalted or worshiped one or the other or disregarded, ignored, disowned or demonized one or the other,  they remembered that they need each other. They bravely stood up and called forth this union, in spite of the naysayers and the tugging and pulling from one side or the other. They decided that no other relationship is more important than this original union when the soul embodied  human. And with one bold and radical act of Love the two merged together as one, and something magically miraculous occurred.  

This reconciliation rippled through the Universe and across planet earth and the new human soul emerged. And on that day a new story was born, and the old one faded away. In this story spirit and matter are one. Everything is imbued with the divine. The Ego is honored as the wonderful earth guide that it is and the Soul is recognized as the revered guest of honor in the world of form. She is the artist in residence that innovates, inspires and ignites, creating beauty and meaning everywhere she goes. She is brilliant and adventurous and fearless and yet deeply respects the advice of her wise and practical guide that teaches her the human qualities that have evolved over millennia, as the body has learned to adapt to the ever changing environment within the earth plane.  Neither ego or soul is considered more important or sacred than the other in this New Earth that was born from the powerful desire demonstrated that fateful day when the Union of Human Ego and Divine Soul was restored.

Oneness, interconnection, unity consciousness flourished across the land and the golden age of Beauty and Bounty began and continues on into eternity. For the memory of the great division and the sorrow and pain it caused is etched in the DNA of each new human body that becomes embodied by Soul. It serves to remind us so we may know our worth with humility and courage as we forge forward and onward on this grand great adventure we call Life. 

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The Divine Disrupter

Written 3/30/2020

We are in the midst of a profound collective contraction, unlike any we have experienced for generations, within humanity. The Coronavirus Pandemic, that began in China some short four months ago has spread across the globe effecting every human on earth in some way. As a result, we are being revealed to a Divine Truth that cannot be ignored. Now more than ever we are experiencing the the Truth of our Oneness. We are feeling how we are intrinsically and intricately connected to each other. This is being felt in the most tangible and physical way. We are part of one body. Within the spiritual context, we are all a part of the One Source, the ‘body of God’. Within the human context, which is simply an extension of the Divine essence of who we are, we are part of the one body of humanity. Each of us, effect each other. We all matter. We are a part of each other, a greater whole. 

We have believed for too long that we are separate from each other, and on an island unto ourself. We have operated within the precarious bubble of safely based on a false premise that what I did, felt, said did not really matter beyond myself and perhaps my small inner circle. Many of us have believed that we really don’t matter, and that my presence or absence in this world does not have much of an impact on the whole. 

Now, as we navigate this massive global crisis, we are being asked to play a part in saving the lives of others within the body of humanity. We are being asked individually to recognize that our presence, our actions and choices, can have a profound impact on the whole. We are being literally revealed to the way in which we are an intricate part of the whole, in this case of humanity. At a Divine level, we are part of a greater whole, as individuated expressions of the Infinite Source of All.

We are being asked to physically distance from each other so that we can contain the virus from spreading unchecked to all parts of the whole, to mitigate as much damage as possible to  the bodies of humanity. We are being inspired to recognize our individual impact on the whole and take social responsibility for not just yourself and loved ones but for the global community. 

The CDC, Center for Disease Control and Prevention, has issued the recommendations for mitigating the virus with simple yet drastic measures: Hyper-vigilant hygiene practices and  ‘social distancing’. In a massive attempt to control human interaction, everything except essential services has been shut down, not just in the United States, but in countries across the world! It is an unprecedented effort that requires the cooperation, not just of the governments that implement and enforce the effort, but each household and individual within the family units. It is easy to ‘cheat’, because it is so incredibly against our nature to socially distance ourself. We are being called to become aware of how our bodies impact another. We breathe the same air as our brothers and sisters in China and Italy, Canada and Argentina, Iran and Russia, just as we breathe the air of our beloved. 

There has never been a time that it is so clear that humanity is one organism made up of billions of ‘cells’ that make up the whole. It seems to me, that it has never been more prudent that we recognize this and stop bickering with the other ‘parts of the whole’ as though they are not necessary elements of our wholeness. We have been at war with each other for so long and it is literally killing us. It is time to stop looking for someone outside of our own ‘body’ to create peace in the world and realize the power that each of us have as a critical part of this whole body of humankind, and make peace with the collective self. Our lives depend on it. When we hate, hurt, curse, abuse, disrespect another, we are in essence doing that to ourself.

Right now we are being called to act in unison, in cooperation, in harmony, so that we can find homeostasis. Perhaps this exercise of divine discipline will activate a new quality of being that reaches for yet a greater health of the human condition. Perhaps this Divine disruption will bring us to our knees ushering us into a prayer for a new possibility of a more unified humanity. Perhaps this intense and painful contraction will be the catalyst needed to birth a new consciousness that awakens us to the Divine Truth of our Oneness, that is expressed in our human interconnectedness. Perhaps our awakened consciousness will remind us of how we belong, not just to each other, but to this earth. Humanity is born of both the Divine dimension and the physical earth body. Perhaps we will not only realize intellectually, but viscerally, in the very core of our being, that the wellbeing of every part of this whole is essential to our wellbeing and that the wellbeing of our planet impacts the wellbeing of humanity. May we be inspired to a deep understanding that the wholeness of our brother and sister affects us all. Whether you love or abhor another, they are a part of you, and until we love all parts of ourself and integrate all of the facets of our being, then we will not be healthy and free. 

This journey starts and ends with the self. Until we heal, feel, integrate and love all parts of ourself and stop projecting our shadows out into the world of the apparent others, we will be spiraling in the illusion of separation and never quite land into the unconditional state of wellbeing and deep peace that is possible. 

So we have brought ourselves this Divine Disrupter in the form of a deadly virus that spreads like wildfires, like the frequency of fear that keeps us from embodying Love. We are being asked to love each other and ourselves enough to stay home, stop everything, get off the tread mill and perhaps consider what really truly matters in life. We have a profound opportunity, like never before, to initiate the sacred act of selfless service and recognize the service to the whole is always service to the Self and in turn, service to the Self is service to the whole. 

This is the sacred activism that is penetrating the old paradigm of separation consciousness and reminding humanity of their interconnectedness, their Oneness with all of life. In recent years this knowing has been activated by the many natural disasters throughout the world. Our Mother Earth has bore the brunt of delivering this divine disruption to awaken humanity, with fires and storms and earthquakes, floods and tsunamis, at a greater frequency and intensity than ever before. Now this virus infiltrates the lungs of humanity reminding us that we breathe as one and that we are truly in this together. 

So let us take this Divine opportunity and synchronize our breath, our movements and elevate our consciousness to the dance of beauty and brilliance that is possible when we collaborate as a global community. Let us love each other by following the collective measures intended to tend to the wellbeing of another and at the same time recognizing that this is the gift we give ourselves. Let us stay centered in Love, grounded in the nourishing heart of the earth, open in heart and embodied by Soul. Do this in your own sweet unique way. We need you now, more than ever. You matter. 

Love overcomes fear. 

Beki