Coming Out of the Closet

I am making a public declaration of who I am and what my choices have been as a result. Sometimes this is simple and easy to do, especially when it goes along with the acceptable societal narrative of what is right and wrong. In the history of humanity this code of ethics has changed and evolved, thank God. Each time that we, as a collective, face a new consideration as to what we deem acceptable, a crescendo of resistance arises. The status quo pushes up against the pioneering ethics that offer a new way of believing, being, expressing in the world. The status quo hangs on for dear life to its identity, like the little self, the ego, that has come to believe that this is the way of safety and righteousness.

There has been a litany of previously unacceptables that have been transformed. To the generation born into the new perception of ethical values, the old dogma seems barbaric. And yet as the older generations still inhabit the earth so do their archaic beliefs that cling to a dying truth. How can we transform ourselves with the tides of evolution— the unstoppable wave of ‘progress’? We begin with our own personal inquiry. We ask ourselves to dive deep enough to know what is true for us, beyond time and space and popular opinion. We seek our integrity that supersedes the collective ethics and yet adds to its evolving expression of what is now acceptable to the whole.

We are in a portal of transformation right now. We are being asked to assess who we are, what we believe, what serves us and the whole, and what does not. The paradigm of life has been shaken by the crises of the current moment that has been more dramatically exposed than ever before by the saga of Covid. We are reaching the crescendo of this radical shake-up and it is time to choose. What will you choose? How will you move forward? Will you move forward?

My journey began when I was born, just like yours. We can’t help being who we truly are meant to be, even when life seems to be squashing our natural attempts. Life actually is offering us the sharp edge that hones the tool of evolution. With each encounter with this razor-sharp edge, we define more clearly the desires of our true self-expression. Sometimes this journey takes us on a windy and wild ride into some very dark and lonely places. For the Soul, this is part of the process of alchemy that It has come to experience.

I regress. Back to my journey that led me to this moment of ‘coming out’. When I was 4 or 5 my father wrote about his observations of my ‘independent spirit’, calling me ‘non-conforming Beki’. I read this in some old Christmas letters my dad had written when they were unearthed while my dad was on his death-bed the summer of 2018. It was illuminating and comforting to know that he truly saw me, my essential nature, at such a young age.

Another vivid memory I have was when Dad took us to the doctor. I remember jumping around in the back seat of the car joyfully, Dad pulling me out and taking my hand leading me into the office of Dr. Mock. When I realized they wanted to stick me with the needle, I screamed and pleaded, refusing to pull up my sleeve to bare my arm. With a sneaky and quick move, they pulled down my pants and stuck me in the butt. I felt betrayed and dismayed. How could my wonderful father, that I trusted so much, do such a thing.

Fast forward to my teenage self, visiting my family in Canada during the time I was living with my mother in the Bahamas. Dad suggested I go to the doctor for a check-up. I walked the block or so to the doctor’s office and he told me I needed a shot that I was not up-to-date on. I told him I had a fear, no phobia, of needles. By this point I assumed my fear was irrational, considering that vaccination was a common thing that everyone did. He reassured me it would not hurt and quickly stuck me in my left arm. I said to him that it really wasn’t so bad, and then proceeded to slowly slide off the chair beginning to lose consciousness. The doctor took me into the examination room to lie me down and gave me another injection of adrenaline in my…you guessed it…butt. Funny the things we remember. So much of my childhood I have forgotten. But these two ‘scenes’ are clear as day.

Everyone in my family was aware of my phobia. They also were aware of my low threshold for pain. When I became pregnant at 26 with my first son, we all wondered how I would endure childbirth. I hadn’t had a vaccine since that time I almost passed out. I dreaded the part of prenatal care that would entail getting blood drawn and of course the issue of an epidural was a consideration when thinking about the birthing process. I dove into reading and researching the whole process of being pregnant, wanting to do all I could to ensure a healthy pregnancy and baby and birth. Somehow the blood draws felt less invasive than the idea of an injection of some unknown substance into my body. I was surprised I could handle it although I learned that I needed to be lying down to avoid losing consciousness, literally.

In order to determine who would be my OB, I did a lot of research and ended up deciding on a practice of nurse-midwives. My first appointment to interview the prospective health care practitioner included me asking at least 30 questions to determine if they would fit my criteria! During my pregnancy, I went to a pediatrician to interview her, although I really did not know what I was looking for. I remember reading some forms that I was to sign that would give my consent to vaccinate my newborn. Perhaps most people just sign the forms and do not read the fine print, but after reading the litany of side effects, including brain damage and death, I could not sign it. I figured I would revisit it later and discuss it with my husband. Surely if everyone did this, it must be safe.

It turned out that the woman who taught our childbirth classes was a home-birth midwife and so during these classes, I was exposed to different ways of giving birth, including home birth. This seemed like such a wonderful option, and yet I figured that the responsible thing to do was to at least have my first child in a hospital, even though hospitals were a place I never was comfortable in. When my husband and I went to visit the hospital that I would give birth in, we walked out and I looked over to him and told him that I simply could not do it in there. He sighed and said, ‘Oh Beki, don’t do this to me.’ Remembering that always make me smile. He knew me so well. This realization was not an easy one for either of us to swallow. But in the deepest part of me, I knew this was not the safest place for me to give birth. I knew that in order for me to have the birth I wanted I needed to feel safe.

So, I dove into a whole new process of researching home-birth. I interviewed people that I knew in the community that had chosen this approach. I read statistics and accounts. I gathered the people I wanted to be present at my birth and led an exercise to release our own birth trauma so that no one would bring any unresolved energy into the space during my birthing process. Talking about non-conforming! And this story is just one branch of a very large tree of a life lived outside of the box.

The birth was fast and so beautiful. If I had had to get to the hospital it would have been a very close call. I valiantly breathed, grunted, and screamed through the two hours or so of labor with an amazing team of support holding space for the sacred event to occur. This act of birthing without drugs to numb the pain has been done each moment in all of human history by countless women. Even though I hated pain, something in me knew I could do this. It was the most physically challenging thing my body has ever endured and I felt empowered to know what I was capable of.

As I was healing from the birth we figured we should whisk our beautiful, perfect baby off to the pediatrician. While home-birth was an anomaly, it did not occur to me that we would not go along with the typical medical protocol of well-baby visits. Sherman dressed and bundled up our newborn and took him to his first doctor’s appointment, as I waited at home. When he came home, Sherman’s face was wet with tears. My heart jumped into my throat. What’s wrong?! I exclaimed. He said that the pediatrician was very condescending about our reckless choice to have a home-birth and wanted to admit our son into the hospital because she felt he looked jaundice and was suspicious of some little blisters on the roof of his mouth.

I called our midwife hysterical. She came right over, looked over our baby, and told us he was perfectly healthy. The blisters were from his ravenous nursing that also left painful blisters on my nipples. She also said that his skin color was not unusual for a black baby. She reassured us, but still set up two appointments with other healthcare practitioners who were ‘home-birth-friendly’. A new branch formed on my tree of life, informing a whole new trajectory as to how to tend to the health of my children. We took baby Chaz to his first chiropractic appointment and he got a gentle loving adjustment from Dr. Peter who became our holistic family healthcare provider for the next 25 years. We went to a different pediatrician that treated us all with respect and kindness and reassured us that our son was fine.

I am grateful for this nudge in another direction. I trust in life’s contractions. For this is truly the life force that informs the right and perfect path for each individual. As a result of this redirection, I was brought into a community that took a more holistic approach to health. While I pretty much preferred holistic and alternative approaches versus allopathic methods, I simply had not needed to go to a doctor much in my 26 years of life so I did not know much about my options. When the issue of vaccination came back up and rather than simply going along with the mainstream adherence to the childhood vaccines, I was exposed to a community that offered an alternative perspective on the history, safety, and efficacy of this medical intervention. I was given books and research papers to review so I could make an informed decision. In 1993, when I gave birth to my first son, there was no internet to do research and so finding information that went against the mainstream was not so easily available.

After much consideration, we decided to not vaccinate, with an open mind to consider changing our decision if new information convinced us it was safe and necessary. We also decided not to circumcise our three sons. I left this decision to my husband who read the book I offered him, and he came to this clear decision on his own. I was relieved. I often have thought that I was guided on this path because I might have had one of the children that would have been a casualty of vaccine injury. I did not feel the need to warn anyone else but trusted that they would be led by their personal divine guidance to the journey that their Soul yearned to experience.

I share this journey with you as I come ‘out of the closet’ to disclose to a critical public, my choice not to vaccinate my children then and now not to vaccinate myself, because I wanted to illustrate the intricate nature of each person’s choices. To truly have integrity I feel it is critical that I follow my inner knowing regardless of popular opinion —whether it be that you follow the impulse to love someone who is not considered appropriate to the society you live in or to express as a gender that is not the one you were born in, or to reject a tradition or ritual within your culture that does not resonate with your own inner knowing of what is right for you. My inner knowing is my path to being, expressing, and experiencing my True Self.

I married a man at a young age that I am still with after 35 years, which seems like a pretty traditional choice. But that is not why I chose this lifestyle. It is because it resonated with me and my inner guidance kept me on this path. It is easier to be a heterosexual, monogamous woman than the many alternatives. Yet many of my choices have not been so easy, or mainstream. What is important is not what you choose, it is that you choose what resonates with your deepest values. It is critical that we do not go against ourselves. This is the source of our suffering, or malaise, or disconnection. No one but you knows what is right for you. No one!

Yet, we live in a society that trains us out of our own inner knowing. It trains us to rely on an outside authority to tell us what to do to be safe, healthy, go to heaven, have enough, be accepted, loved, and lovable. We did not come here to be the same as anyone else. We came to express and experience our own unique self. We came to create not observe or adhere to a reality already created by others. We came to experience what it is to be both human and divine.

Each Soul is doing this in their own way. It is not my business to inform you of how to walk your life path and which branches you will sprout out into. Only you can sense into that guidance that will allow you to realize the life you came to live. So as we sit in the portal of collective and individual transformation, be mindful to tend to your own sacred womb of creation, even as you sense the Infinite Womb of life that holds us All. Listen carefully with your heart, your mind, and body for the impulses that awaken the spirit of love and light in you. When you feel this spark and sense the light at the end of the birth canal, even with closed eyes, move in that direction. Move towards your light, and you will enter the path that brings you to the ocean of Love where we will all meet in harmony and Oneness.

Yet know this, the path will not be the same or even similar to others. This is how it must be. For just as my winding path brought me to the knowing that informed my choice to not vaccinate myself or the children that came through my body, you have your own unique journey. I will not judge you for the choices that you hold that do not resonate with mine, even if I believe they threaten my way of life. For this too is the way of LIfe.

My spiritual practice is not to be against anything, but to open to that which I desire to see and experience in my life and in the world. So, while I am choosing not to receive these injections, it is my intention to be no more against vaccines than I am against the viruses that circulate our planet and live in our bodies. What I am for is health, wellbeing, wholeness. I am for choice, freedom and self-empowerment. I am for connection, intimacy, love. I am for clean air, soil and water. I am for peace and harmony in our relationships with each other and with our beloved planet. I am for expanded consciousness, evolution and awakening to our soulful essence that knows we are unlimited, infinite, eternal and free regardless of the conditions we encounter in form.

Energy goes where our attention flows, and energy creates all matter. Therefore what we give our attention to matters. As we witness a massive upheaval of the life we have come to expect, we are each facing many choices on how to proceed, and what really matters to us.

So, let us consider this. May we allow the choices of others to unfold without resistance. As you follow your inner light and honor others to follow theirs, I trust in the evolution of the Infinite Soul of Life to hold us all within this massive, endless, infinite womb of creation. I choose above all else to remember that I am free, that I am Infinite Love and that I am always at cause and choice of the life that unfolds before me. I choose unity consciousness, beauty, and wholeness. I choose to sense this part of you that chooses this too and ride the celestial waves of possibility and creativity in the vastness of the unified field with you, my beloved soul family, my beloved humanity.

Yes, I am indeed PRO-CHOICE!

And so it is!

The Ego

My Ego, Oil on canvas, By Beki

9.9.20

Could it be that we have been making the ego the villain in our ongoing drama of this story of separation with the Soul as the hero? If we would only remember the truth of who we really are, the Soul, then we could dissolve the ego like the bad witch in the Wizard of Oz. I know that we are doing our best with words to understand, contemplate, and make sense of this reality that we are navigating. The many philosophers, intellectuals, scientists, shamans, religious scholars, artists etc. strive to offer their own versions of what all this Life could be about. 

But could it be that all the versions are a story, a metaphor, an analogy to describe the indescribable. Even science, the purveyor of irrefutable provable reality, is in truth an art, a philosophy that keeps evolving and producing the most beautiful new discoveries and inventions. If only we could appreciate the creativity and innovation that emerges from these deep thinkers without needing to make it right to justify its value, perhaps we could make space for the validity of all. 

So I would like to tell a new story about the ego. The Ego feels very unappreciated these days, particularity within the spiritual arena that speaks about burning, dissolving, and letting the ego die. Of course we have used the term loosely as a way to describe people who are ‘full of themselves’, arrogant, and braggadocios as having a particularity big ego. It is the ‘unspiritual’ part of the self and tends to be considered a hinderance for liberation. It is pretty much always used as a derogatory term and therefore has fallen into the role of villain. 

However I would like to consider the idea that the Ego is the human self, the part of our consciousness that we merge with when our Soul enters the physical body. The Ego understands that it must work with the Soul to show It how to navigate the physical dimension of polarity, gravity, and limitation. This is not the domain of the Soul, who is by nature unlimited, eternal, and infinite. Yet, our Souls choose to be limited within these parameters for a very good reason or we would not be here. This physical world is BEAUTIFUL and full of potential and possibility. It allows for the most sensuous and delicious experiences that require the container that these limitations offer. Limitations such as: a mortal, physical body that can feel pain and pleasure and everything else; the inability to walk through walls so that you can touch them and feel the boundary between you and another; otherness, so that you can see, touch, hug, dance, kiss, make love with a separate being. Don’t even let me get started with the intoxication of the physical senses! 

I think we can all agree that there are many assets to embodying a human being. Yet, we can all see the limitations and the heartache that it causes are equal to the ecstasy. It seems as though we have become so identified with the physical human self that we have forgotten our divine nature that knows our magnificence beyond the limitations of this dimension. We had forgotten that this was a choice and that we are more than this identity, body and this life. In this forgetting of this essential essence of our Being, we became overly identified with the Ego aspect of our being and without the conscious partner of the Soul driving the ship, our Egos jumped into the drivers seat to save the day. 

Whose fault was it, when the Soul seemed to disappear, fall asleep or get knocked unconscious? I think it is the nature of the Ego, that lives from separation consciousness, to ask that question and to argue and justify. Without the Soul present to infuse the frequency of Divine Love this story of separation takes over and we begin the slippery slope down this hellish hole of life without the Soul. 

Yet, the great awakening that we have been dreaming of is upon us. It is the awakening to the essence of the Soul, not just in ourself, but in all Life. ALL of it. At the beginning of this awakening we saw the ego as the problem. It seemed that when it took over all hell broke loose across the earth: corruption, famine, genocide, slavery, deforestation, devastating climate change, polluting of the soil, air and water and so on, and so on. Soulless humans running the show! 

Could it be that the human self, the Ego, got a bad rap. I would like to contemplate another story for a moment. The Souls of humanity choose this experiment of stepping back, letting the Egos take a go at it on their own. Maybe our Souls wanted this particular probability played out to know what it is like to be simply human-identified and feel the full amnesia from the Inner Divine perspective, and then to wake back up to this realization of the truth of who we really are; to forget to remember. 

From our human perspective this seems like a horrible idea! The Ego didn’t ask for this solo gig. It could not even be alive without the breath of spirit giving it life, so why would it want to be alone in an already lonely, separate mind? I have weaved this story, not as truth, but as way for myself to begin to perceive the Ego as something that I can appreciate, love and incorporate as a crucial aspect of my being. As I dismantle the old story of separation and polarity, I aim to allow a new story of interconnection and oneness to arise. It is pushing its way through my mind and my words as I contemplate the ego in a new way. 

My ego and my human-embodied soul are co-pilots on a grand adventure. They need each other. They are indeed apart of each other. When the Soul leaves the body the human self succumbs to the limitations of the physical dimension and re-emerges with the earth-body, Gaia, from which it came. The Soul returns to the spacious infinite dimension among the stars. The love affair comes to an end and the ache for this dance remains forever in the heart of the Soul and the body of the earth. 

In a time and a space within the lush garden of earth a precious and beautiful expression of the Infinite Source of Love entered the womb of a woman, native to this land. The womb was a new and foreign world to the Soul that felt the tangible sensation of its mother’s inner body. The slow and gradual awakening of its senses were fascinating to the soul as it merged with the growing body in the belly. The body carried the imprint of the mother and father and the bodies and minds of the humans that came before. The genetic material gave a unique blend of qualities to create a distinct physical expression of all that came before in the bodies that enable this body to emerge in the particular way it did. 

When this new being emerged from the body of the mother, it felt the familiar energy of the other humans that surrounded it for the first time in a way that it could perceive them as separate energies and shapes and colors and sounds. The explosion of senses was mind-blowing.  But the most stunning was the vision of the mother that it had only knew from within, as a part of her. The beauty and strangeness of her being separate from the body it knew as itself was, well, unsettling to say the least. So it slept, a lot, dreaming of the oneness that it knew as most natural. 

Soon the newborn noticed another energy gently prodding it awake. It whispered in its ear. You are a girl, you are a baby, you are brown and soft and smell like roses. You are magic and I am here to show you how to walk among humans. I will show you how to live in a body and keep it safe. I am your soul’s mate. I am Ego, at your service. She flutters her eyes open with excitement and recognition. Oh yes, this is why I have come: to be human and live within the world of form. My Ego is my mate and together we will be able to navigate a life of possibility, wonder, adventure. We are on the leading edge of creation. 

She feels safe with Ego, even though she never knew what feeling unsafe felt like. Earth is native territory for Ego. It knows the ropes and senses into the lineage that vibrate from the human body’s cells newly activated by this unique expression of Divine Energy. Ego knows how to utilize the strengths and weaknesses that it inherited in the body it inhabits. It diligently begins to train the Energy of the Soul on how to use this body and environment to best create and explore the world around it. Ego loves the scent of roses that the Soul brought with her. It is unearthly somehow and full of mystery. It feels sacred and familiar at the same time. Perhaps this body holds the memory of a time when rituals of Love were practiced in the body. The ego feels the memory and opens with a sigh of ease. 

Ego feels at home with the body, as Soul adjusts to the incredibly limiting range of motion. While she is often frustrated by the helpless little body she has merged with, she is full of awe and wonder as she senses the world from the body with sight, sound, touch, taste and scent. It is both bliss and hell all at once, with waves of ecstasy and pangs of intense fear weaving through the the matrix of the human experience. The Soul is fully present with it all, curious and enthralled by this strange and wonderful world. Ego takes her hand and navigates the fearless soul through the complexities of the human body and psyche and the physical dimension it is one with. A great friendship is being forged as this wild ride begins and then somehow, someway, one day something changed, and they lost each other along the way. 

Without the Soul the Ego was lifeless, desperate and callous. Everything was about survival. She was always anxious and worried and felt like she needed to prove her worth so that she would be loved, safe, alive. She needed to keep everyone in her life safe too, so she would be taken care of. Her body felt heavy and cumbersome. The inner flame was dim, for Soul could not be completely gone or Ego would die. There was just enough memory of her glowing warmth to keep going, trudging through life the best she could. 

Without the Ego, the Soul was groundless. She was unable to fulfill her life’s mission to really experience and know the dimension of form and the beauty that comes with this union when embodying the human. She felt restless for felt connection, intimacy expressed, creation manifested. She yearned to know what she came to earth to know and needed her co-pilot to navigate this earthly terrain that felt so strange and beautiful. 

After eons of separation living in worlds that either exalted or worshiped one or the other or disregarded, ignored, disowned or demonized one or the other,  they remembered that they need each other. They bravely stood up and called forth this union, in spite of the naysayers and the tugging and pulling from one side or the other. They decided that no other relationship is more important than this original union when the soul embodied  human. And with one bold and radical act of Love the two merged together as one, and something magically miraculous occurred.  

This reconciliation rippled through the Universe and across planet earth and the new human soul emerged. And on that day a new story was born, and the old one faded away. In this story spirit and matter are one. Everything is imbued with the divine. The Ego is honored as the wonderful earth guide that it is and the Soul is recognized as the revered guest of honor in the world of form. She is the artist in residence that innovates, inspires and ignites, creating beauty and meaning everywhere she goes. She is brilliant and adventurous and fearless and yet deeply respects the advice of her wise and practical guide that teaches her the human qualities that have evolved over millennia, as the body has learned to adapt to the ever changing environment within the earth plane.  Neither ego or soul is considered more important or sacred than the other in this New Earth that was born from the powerful desire demonstrated that fateful day when the Union of Human Ego and Divine Soul was restored.

Oneness, interconnection, unity consciousness flourished across the land and the golden age of Beauty and Bounty began and continues on into eternity. For the memory of the great division and the sorrow and pain it caused is etched in the DNA of each new human body that becomes embodied by Soul. It serves to remind us so we may know our worth with humility and courage as we forge forward and onward on this grand great adventure we call Life. 

Www.bekiart.com

The SOUL PORTRAIT : Are You Ready to Fully Embody Your SOUL?

SOUL Portrait of my son, Chazaray May 15, 2018

  

Your Soul knows you intimately and yearns for you to become aware of It more fully, so that It can become embodied by you in this physical human dimension. Your Soul is your very essence, the aspect of your being that is animating this present you, and is aware of All that you are beyond and within this space and time. Your Soul is ancient, wise and adventurous. It has so much to offer you! For too long we have become overly identified with the ego aspect of ourself, which has forgotten its Oneness with Source. This amnesia can make us feel isolated, afraid, small and stuck. It is time to re-member, to become one again with the Source of our being, the beginning of our breath. It is time to reunite with the whole Self and to embody our Soul, become Soul-centric, to know intimately Who We Really Are.

The Soul Portraits that I paint while in the Akashic Record of your Soul, is a Divine and brilliant, creative way for your Soul to communicate with your human self, in an image that is perfectly tailored for you. Because It knows you so well, It will offer the exact reflection of You that will initiate a recognition, that will catapult you on your evolutionary journey to expansion into the Soul-centric experience of human life that you came here to have! Each portrait holds within it not only visual cues for you to meditate on for your awakening, but embedded codes and symbols that hold a vibrational frequency that will become revealed at the exact time that your readiness allows. It will guide you into your Awakening, for your Soul knows the path to your blossoming. It is time for humanity to Awaken and know its Oneness with the Divine and each other. It is time for us all to evolve and be free. For, the Soul holds the key, the blueprint, to our freedom.

So, why would anyone not want to be in communion with their very own Soul and to have access to the fullness of our being that can unlock the mystery to whatever holds us back from our joy, peace, prosperity, purpose? I can speak from my own personal experience and from what I have observed as I have begun this journey of channeling the Divine in the form of Soul Art and the Soul Portraits, specifically. There was a time not long ago that I was not ready to be fully embodied by my Soul, and was comfortable with the familiar life I had come to enjoy. It felt relatively safe, with the occasional burst of discomfort, and the welling up of fear that I did my best to keep under wraps. However, I always sensed a lurking awareness that I was limiting myself and my full potential. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what I was so afraid of. If I became the full fledged powerful being of divine light, I professed I was and that we are all, would I have to leave the life I knew? Would I have to go meditate on the mountaintop and leave my beautiful family in order to become enlightened, awakened to this True Self? Would I have to step out of my comfort zone, the shadows of my paintings, and be seen? Maybe I would have to speak publicly, a phobia I have struggled with forever. This did not appeal to me, and when I felt the universe was sending me nudges, messages of my divine purpose, I unconsciously recoiled into the familiar, and resumed my domesticated life, literally and figuratively. My mind had become trained, domesticated into what was appropriate to feel, think and how to behave. Freedom, while it was what I yearned for, felt wild and unpredictable.

In 2009 when I had a powerful Awakening, I call my Eagle experience, I got a big dose of what it felt like to be embodied by the Divine mind. There was nothing scary about it. It was pure bliss! I was more engaged and intimate with my world here in the human, earthly realm, than ever before. I felt connected to all of it. I was completely unconditional in my love for all of life. I did not need anything to be different from what it was to feel this untouchable Joy and Love. I could not only sense and know the Love and Joy that I was, I could feel it in everyone else. I was given a great gift that day that unfolded and continued for about 7 days. I was able to know what it is to be Awake. It is when I realized that not only did I not have to give up all that I knew and loved in my life, but that with an awakened mind and heart, I would be more deeply in communion with it all. My love would be untethered by fear: the fear of loss, change, intimacy and even the fear of too much joy, too much freedom, too much peace. How odd it is that we fear so much beauty and bliss, and yet our human experiences have trained us into this domesticated perspective.

After I regained more ‘ordinary’ consciousness and my untethered Self faded back into its trained place, I slowly began the intentional journey into releasing the fear, and awakening to the Divine. The Universe conspired with me in many creative ways to guide me gently and lovingly into healing that which has kept me from my deepest desires and ultimate Awakening. When I was offered the guidance to paint Soul Portraits to support others in their own Healing and Awakening, my own unfolding quickened. I immersed myself in the vibration of the Divine within the Akashic Field, bringing forth images of Souls drenched in Love and Wisdom. My own self soul portrait and recently a second one that I painted to heal a past life as a Healer, has been a profound tool for my own Awakening. It seems not so long ago that I admitted over and over to my own fear of intimacy, and now, with this work and with the Flower essences, I feel myself leaning into intimacy with a sweet relishing of the other, their process, their pain and their healing into wakefulness. I yearn to touch their heart and free their soul, embrace their wholeness and honor their suffering. I am now ready…ready, to go beyond the fear and into sweet delicious intimacy, communion with the Soul of humanity. I am ready to face head on the pain of the past and feel it, allowing it to evolve, so the alchemy of my Self becoming can be realized.

I admit, I am a cautious one, and at times, doubtful of the signals that came from my untethered Self. I know what it is to recoil and chose comfort over expansion. My fear has run deep in the veins of my incarnated bodies. The fearless One that continues to come forth in these various lives, seems to recede into the ethers of another dimension. It becomes intangible and invisible, this very essence of my Self, as I fumble through this dimension with all its ups and downs, not acknowledging that which I cannot see.

Not this time around. This time I am making the Divine visible, with color and paint and a heart wide open, and the quieting of my mind so I may receive the Divine through Art. I am making the divine audible, by speaking Its words and writing them. I am making the Divine tangible by embodying my Soul and recognizing the Soul in others. I am in intimate communion with God, each time I gaze into the eyes of another, my son, my lover, a stranger. I am intimate with the Divine as I enter the field of the Akasha and share its messages whether it speaks to me on wooded paths, or to another in the sacred space of intention and trust. So I am here to share with you my own process so you know you are not alone, and to encourage you to release the resistance to knowing your Self intimately. I am here to gently coax you into readiness for your own healing and awakening…to entice you into the delicious freedom that your Soul is calling you towards. You will lose nothing but your fear. You are safe. You are loved, beyond your ability to imagine. Dive into the divine and you will be embraced and guided into the ecstatic realm of Infinite Possibility and Unconditional Love.

Mother Soul

SAMSUNG DIGIMAX 420

 

The following is a beautiful transmission offered to me by my Divine Guidance while I am in my own Akashic Records. Often I open my records and then ask a question to the Masters, Teachers and Loved Ones and then ‘channel’ the answer by writing in my journal. This has been a wonderful and enlightening practice that I have been doing for many years now. It has been very helpful in accessing a deeper wisdom that really is at the core of my being. My Guides work with me to unveil my own knowing. For this I am very grateful. Yesterday was Mother’s Day 2016. This is how I began my day. Sitting on my back porch surrounded by my personal garden paradise, I take a moment to meditate and then open the Akashic Records.

Me: I am feeling an underlying sadness. Not sure what it is all about. Woke up with a little pang of anxiety, something I have not felt in a really long time. I would appreciate your help so I can get some clarity.

MTLO (Masters, Teachers, Loved Ones): Blessings dear child. You are entering a phase of deep remembering. You are holding the heart of mother’s in yours. It is heavy with both sorrow and love. Mother’s weep everywhere for the awakening of this planet’s inhabitants. The Mother Earth holds you all with deep love and care and yet she is incensed by your wild adolescent disregard, your narcissism that renders her lands disrespected.

She is shedding the old you, like the lizard, green like spring leaves, sheds it old skin. She is shaking you up, opening your hearts and piercing the shield that has inebriated your mind, keeping you from recognizing your Soul.

Your Great Mother loves you Unconditionally and embraces the essence of humanity in her massive brown body, weighed down by the waters of her deep blue sea of tears.
She will not forsake you in your childish tantrums, but she will coax you awake with her winds and fires and trembling lands. And if you continue your flailing and screaming your rants of fear, separation, possessiveness, she will erupt mountain tops to bring you back to your senses.

You sense the mother that weeps for her children, as you carry the imprint of the mother gene in every living cell of your body. You know and feel the aching of the earth and your human sisters that yearn for your children to Awaken to the Love that they are. You know the deep desire that the Mother holds to feed her children all that nourishes their bodies, minds and souls.

The Mother Soul you inhabit is not just the human individual self that strives to balance this sacred role on earth, but she is the collective Soul that sits in the core of the earth and is born of the Divine Feminine.

This Mother Soul is wild and sensual, fierce and determined. She is soft and nurturing, steady and committed. She is utterly creative and her strength is unrivaled in the Universe.

Today on this day that the Mother is honored, you feel her Heart in your heart and your desire to weep is the yearning to release all the fullness that overflows the great breadth of her loving chalice.

Your own vessel cannot hold the massiveness of love and gratitude that you feel for the Mother Soul. It cannot contain the tendrils of her Love that reach out like roots extending to the core of the earth.

You yourself born of mother, belong to the mother, just as you are mother yourself. The intricate web of love embodied by the Divine Feminine courses through your veins and roots you to her heart.

Surrender to her, for she will nurture you and guide you and prepare you for your flight. Let go and trust, for she is the bridge between the Unlimited Divine and the brilliant flesh of life. She will show you how to live on earth embodied by your Soul. She will show you the Divine, living within the manifested world.

And when you surrender to her love, her wisdom, you will at last, be free!

Happy Mother’s Day beautiful Soul Mother. We honor and celebrate you in all ways!

Rich Mother

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Rich mother
With very little money
Rich
Regardless of the condition of money being present.

Like unconditional love
Love,
Regardless of the conditions that are present.

A mother who taught me what it is to be rich
With or without the tangible manifestation of
Money.

She teases about going to the ‘Ocean Course’,
When I am taking care of her
When she becomes to…something…to take care of herself.
We laugh that I may put her on a budget and
That the extravagance of the plush beach resort restaurant
Will be too much for me to afford for her.

My heart smiles
And I think what a joy, pleasure and honor it would be to
Take her to her favorite place that feeds her soul
with food drenched in island sun
and an eyeful of sea-full splendor.

To be rich is to know you are worthy
Of such beauty
Such art
Regardless of how much money you have in your wallet or bank account.

To be rich is to live in a humble dwelling
and make it into a royal palace
of sacred opulent beauty
Infused with the divine
Emanating from objects reflecting consciousness
Art on every wall
Paintings by her
By me
By her grandson.

To be rich is to wake up each morning in this beautiful
Warm glow of spirit
Surrounding
Enveloping
And oozing from
you
Her
me.

To be rich is to know how to live Unconditional Love
To Love without condition
aware of
Connected to
The Divine Love
That we all are
No matter what shows up in our experience.

Opulence beyond your imagination
Living from the very core of your Soul
Where we are in communion with the realm of the Divine,
The Infinite Field of Possibility and Unconditional Love.

This is the rich soil
From which my being originates
In the dark soil of the Great Mother
and the sweet awakening spirit
Of the earth mother
Who knew her worth at a core level
Even when she was not aware of it.

So yes
My sweet matriarch, crone and wise woman
I will take you to the beautiful place that makes your heart sing
And I will breathe in the scent of salt air
and savor the bread pudding
Soaking up the sweet spirit of your soul
That has nurtured and given me permission to be
Worthy of the deep, delicious connection with my soul.

Life is so Rich
I can barely contain myself!

(The picture is of my mother with her 3 daughters)

The Magic of BACH FLOWER ESSENCES

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“Healer” oil on canvas

 

I discovered the amazing magical energies of the Flower Essences several years ago when I was looking for some relief from emotions related to patterns of thought that caused fear, worry and anxiety within me. I had been worrying about my oldest son since he was a baby. I thought maybe it was normal to worry and be fearful for his wellbeing…the mother disease. While he definitely inspired more reasons later on in his life to make me worry, I realized with my other two sons that the chronic worry I had developed with the first son, was not nearly as acute with them.

So in a quest to find a natural way to bring harmony and balance for both myself and my son, I came upon the flowers! I couldn’t believe that it took so long for Life to bring them to me. I have been painting the ‘essence’ of flowers for 20 years or more, and then they came to me in the form of miracle drops. Some people think that they are essential oils or aromatherapy, but they are more like homeopathy, that you take internally. They could be qualified as vibrational medicine, which is completely natural and safe and can be used as a complementary treatment. As I studied more about them and learned the philosophy of the creator of the essences, Dr. Edward Bach, I was hooked. I wanted to know more. So I immersed myself in the information available and invested in a kit of all the 38 remedies and started treating myself, my family and friends. Eventually, through word of mouth, more people asked for consultations and now the ‘practice’ has evolved to include an integrative healing session with the Flowers, using guidance through the Akashic Records, and Reiki. I have always loved to support people in their process of healing and awakening to their true self. Now I have a creative and beautiful way to enter into sacred space with others and offer them a way to find some relief from life’s many stressors.

The Bach Flowers are very specific in treating different aspects of disharmony that plague the human mind. The remedy that offered me relief from the chronic worry for my son was Red Chestnut. Mimulus helped me work through fears, particularly of public speaking, combined with Larch for confidence. I offered pine to my youngest son, as he was always feeling responsible for anything the went wrong, even if he had nothing to do with it. Pine is for self-blame and offers the ability to feel more self-compassion. The flowers work on the subtle vibrational body, by flooding the ‘virtuous’ qualities into the energy field of the person and gently shifting the pattern into one that is in harmony and alignment with the True Self, our Soul. The process can be gradual but profound as it was for me. Sometimes it is dramatic and immediate. The effects can be long lasting and permanent. They also can cure the chronic pattern, even though you may occasionally feel worry for instance, but in a more situational way.

So what I offer with my clients is a consultation and healing experience that helps us to determine the perfect mix of flowers to support them in shifting into an experience with life that offers more joy, ease, freedom, purpose, authenticity, peace, creativity. The possibilities for what alignment looks like for one is endless and so exciting. Like the Soul Portrait, the unfolding through Divine guidance and deep compassion, is utterly creative and magical.

Please give me a call if you are interested in experiencing this magical transformation!

~beki

Www.bekiart.com

SOUL Portraits for Others

 

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Now that you know the origins of my first Soul portrait, I would like to share with you the evolution of this approach to my art and the manifestations of Soul Portraits that are painted while intentionally opening the Akashic Record of the individual for the purpose of bringing forth an image that reflects the essence of their Soul. It is so powerful to go beyond the form that we have identified with and for most of us have become attached to as an expression of who we really are.

The Soul portrait, in a sense, frees us from this limited self perception and takes us beyond our prejudices and cultural, societal conditioning. Each portrait is uniquely created and inspired by your Soul through me. I am the channel, the vehicle through which this visual communication flows. I am utterly amazed, humbled and delighted by what emerges on the canvas. I am deeply honored and aware of the sacred journey I am on as I move into this Divine Realm of the Akashic Field. Each experience with the process is unique and the sensation in my body as well as my approach to creating the piece is distinctly different with each portrait. I have no idea what will emerge. I am curious that not one has come forth as completely abstract, yet, although I suspect it may at some point.

What I do feel certain of is that what comes forth is purely Divine in nature and is specifically for the one that I am painting it for. The message that their Soul desires to offer them comes through in the perfect way in which it will speak intimately to them. It’s offering will be ongoing and layered as one lives with the portrait, as it is vibrational in nature and will take one beyond the visual, while using the tangibility of the image at the same time, to transform and awaken.

I am sharing with you some samples of the Soul Portraits that I also have published on my website with pictures of the human version of them along with a statement by them about their experience with the Soul Portrait. Included is my Soul self-portrait that I was instructed to create, while in my own Akashic Records, as my first assignment for beginning this work for others. I received this ‘idea’ and guidance by my own Masters through the Records, while in session with my wonderful and deeply tuned-in healer and mentor, Chrys Franks.

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If you think you would be interested in having your Soul painted in this profound way, please email me or give me a call for more information.
Bekicrowell@hotmail.com
843~460~4077

AWAKENING : my first Soul Portrait

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I am very excited to be starting my first blog as I am launching my new website to reflect my personal, spiritual and professional evolution over the past 10 years since I created my last website that was a showcase for my work as an artist. Now, I embark on a powerful new chapter in my life as I bring together my passion for spiritual matters, vibrational healing, Awakening to your Divine Self, creative and artistic expression through writing and painting. I feel as though I have come to a crossroads where all my interests have found a synergy like never before. Launching my new website http://www.bekiart.com is my way of really stepping in to this new innovative approach to my work and what I feel is truly my life purpose.

My name is Beki. I am in my 50th year of life, in this physical incarnation and I am feeling that this will be one of the most amazing ones yet! I have been creating art my whole life. When I was 17 years old, I painted the piece of art that made me know that I was an ‘artist’. You may think this is rather young, but already I had sold some pieces while in high school and had been in a couple art shows. I went to high school in Nassau, Bahamas where my mom was my art teacher. I graduated when I was 16 and was in University in Windsor, Ontario, where my dad taught social ethics and human rights, when I began my divine journey into ‘Soul Art’.

I went to visit my mom in Ohio, where she lived at the time, and she instructed me to paint without using a reference to copy from. She called it the ‘meditative method’. Essentially she asked me to paint purely for the process and not the end product. She gave me a walkman with earphones, canvas on an easel, paints and left the house. The magic words were, ‘and you don’t even have to show it to me when you are done’. That freed me up. I really had not realized how much my self-worth was wrapped up in receiving praise from my art.

I went into a meditation, which she had trained us to do in high school, but I rarely did, turned up the music and got lost in another dimension. I painted for three hours completely present to the moment.  I felt this freedom and exhilaration as I watched  the image emerge on the canvas. I had found my authentic voice and it was one that came from what I now know is my SOUL. Once my soul found her way to my canvas she never left me. I never went back to the old way of creating art for approval and the more realistic approach to painting quickly dwindled. This was truly the beginning of my creating Soul Art, painting from the soul for the soul. Every time I sat to the blank canvas I opened up to this Divine force, and waited for the guidance. It always came, and what I noticed was that the more I ‘got out of the way’ the happier I was with the process and the creation.

At the time I named this painting ‘Silent Scream’ and more recently renamed her ‘Awakening’. Interestingly, while her scream was inaudible, my Soul had found her voice in the bold, fierce, sensual, intensity that was undeniably palpable and wildly vibrant! She would be seen and felt from this point on. Now, from my evolved vantage point, I realize that this image reflects the ‘Awakening’ that had occurred in me in that moment. I had become Awakened to my very own Soul.

My artistic process has been the most invaluable tool in preparing for the work I have embarked on and am now ready to share with you and the world. Little did I know that day in my mom’s small kitchen studio, 33 years ago, that I had painted my first Soul (self)Portrait, and that I would be divinely guided to create Soul Portraits for others so that they could be revealed and Awakened to their Divine Self for their healing and spiritual evolution in the most profound and creative way.

The way in which I am able to activate this unique process is by accessing the Soul of the person by opening their Akashic Record for the purpose of creating this portrait. I have been training in this work for many years through ‘spirit writing’ and more recently have been practicing this work while consulting people with the Bach Flower Essences. The Akashic Records essentially are an etheric ‘record’ of the soul, from inception, containing the information of all thoughts, feelings and actions, past present and potential future. While my access to the Divine Realm during painting is completely natural and assured, this ritual of opening the Records is extremely powerful and poignant in accessing the specific information for this particular being.

The irony of this latest development in my artistic and spiritual evolution, is that I specifically stayed away from the notion of painting portraits, because I felt it was too much about pleasing others by creating a depiction of them that they were happy with. After my Awakening with my art, I never again painted for approval and portrait art seemed the antithesis of my Soul art. You see, my mother is a brilliant portrait artist. She is able to capture more than the outer appearance of her subject and truly has a gift of bringing forth the inner being while creating a realistic rendition of their physical self. She even created a process called portrait therapy, that engages the person during the process of creating their emerging image on canvas. Still, I had an aversion to the thought of doing a commissioned piece of work, especially a portrait, because people can really get caught in their ego when it comes to self image.

Well obviously, the Universe had different plans for me, and found a way to bring my work to the personal and intimate exchange with another through the egoless approach to portrait art by surpassing the human physical image altogether and entering the magical realm of depicting the ethereal and intangible Soul Self in a palpable visual and utterly creative expression. In truth, I am channeling the Soul’s depiction of Itself for itself. In order to receive the fullness and potency of this offering, the ego must be set aside. Profound reunion with your Soul is then possible.

So this is just one aspect of the brilliant unfolding and Awakening that is occurring in my life right now, and I look forward to sharing more with you in this blog format as well as through my new website that my wonderful and creative husband, Sherman helped me to create. I am so blessed and grateful to all those who have shared in this beautiful journey of this human experience with me and for the divine guidance that has always been with me and that I am becoming more and more aware of each day.

Please go to my beautiful website and explore the wonders of vibrant color, sensual expressions, spiritual healing and inspired evolution. There, you will see samples of the Soul portraits and more.

http://www.bekiart.com

In deep gratitude for the Divine realm of infinite possibility and Unconditional Love

beki